


to go home

by dearmoonlight



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Body Swap, Except because there are tons of changes to the plot because you know, M/M, Sena Izumi is Tired and Gay and Bad at Feelings, So I think it makes sense even without watching the movie, Temporary Character Death, This is just a Your Name / Kimi No Na Wa AU, background ritsu/mao, i'm not able to write something without giving too much relevance to Knights dynamics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:00:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 38,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22052176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dearmoonlight/pseuds/dearmoonlight
Summary: He spends exactly two seconds calmly looking at the ceiling, trying to even his breathing. The last remains of sleep cling to his eyes, and he rubs them with a tired sigh.Izumi’s hand freezes midway to his face.His nails aren’t manicured.(Or: Izumi and Leo switch bodies at least thrice a week. Chaos ensues.)
Relationships: Narukami Arashi & Sakuma Ritsu & Sena Izumi & Suou Tsukasa & Tsukinaga Leo, Sena Izumi/Tsukinaga Leo
Comments: 130
Kudos: 266





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Alternative title: The Your Name AU that no one asked for, but I wrote anyway!)
> 
> Happy new year, everyone!

**[1.]**

The first time it happens he doesn’t even remember all of it. Leo wakes up with feeling of unease beating in his chest, like a dull ache that he can’t get rid of. His mouth is too dry, and his throat feel slightly sore. He runs his fingers through his hair with a frustrated moan, just to find that it’s softer than it’s ever been. Leo pulls it up in a ponytail, like he always does before school, and doesn’t think much of it. Perhaps he’s getting a cold.

He doesn’t even think there’s something wrong when Ruka seizes him up from the kitchen table, a curious glint in her eyes and her mouth pressed in a tense line.

“You look normal today.” She says, matter of factly. Leo yawns, patting her head twice as he pass by before sitting down and reaching for his plate.

“What do you mean, Rukatan? Don’t I always look normal? Are you calling your brother weird? My own adorable little sister is hurting my feelings! Are you entering your rebellious phase!?”

Ruka lets out an incredulous laugh and shakes her head. She hands him a cup of coffee, and Leo can hear her muttering under her breath.

“Yeah. You’re definitely okay.”

Leo wonders what exactly is going through his little sister’s head. Their grandma doesn’t comment on it, but since she seems like she haven’t get a drop of sleep in the last seventy years he doesn’t think anything of it. She’s looking at the small TV, her traditional kimono perfectly in place even as her hair falls in disarray around her shoulders. 

They usually don’t turn the TV on during breakfast, but it’s been an usual occurrence lately. Anything to avoid talking about the coming electoral elections.

The news are talking about the comet again, but Leo’s too busy thinking about Ruka’s words to pay attention to it. He already knows what he needs anyway - that it’ll be visible to the naked eye.

Ruka probably had a weird nightmare.

A nightmare that seems to be affecting their entire town.

Even if everyone might think different, Leo actually notices when people look at him. He knows about the insidious whispers said just loud enough for him to hear – about his father, his mother, his music, his position in the town’s hierarchy. (And Leo didn’t ask to be the mayor’s son, really. He doesn’t even consider himself as such, because a dad should have dinner with his children at least once a week to be called so.) The thing is that he usually  _ doesn’t even care _ , as long as they’re not directed to Ruka.

But today they seem to be different. Less mordacious and more curious, maybe. The stares are making him shiver in a different way, because they make him feel uncomfortable. It’s creepy. But he doesn’t even need to growl at any of them in his way to school, so he counts it as a winning.

Ritsu is there, of course, sleeping in a bench at the entrance. There’s no sign of Isara, which would be weird if it wasn’t because it’s Wednesday – so, club activities, probably. When they go to school together, they tend to stop by the Tsukinaga’s temple to wait for both, Leo and Ruka.

That’s the thing about living in a city with a population of eighteen hundred. Nothing is ever too far from your own way.

“Rittsu.” Leo calls, and pokes him once. Twice. He starts shaking him by the shoulder when he doesn’t answer at that either. Ritsu, always looking slightly sick at best and closing to drop dead at worst during daytime, is a constant source of worry to anyone who finds him sleeping. He always looks like a corpse. “Rittsu! Stop ignoring me, you doofus! Are you dead!?”

Ritsu doesn’t even open his eyes, but his hand closes around Leo’s wrist – almost hard enough to bruise.

“If you kick me again, Tsukippi, I’ll kill you.”

His tone is gloomy. Leo jumps in his place, letting out a surprised gasp. The music inside his head -always working, always- picks up a faster pace. Almost like in a scary movie.

“I haven’t kick you in  _ years _ ! Why do you-? Wait! Don’t tell me! I’ll guess!” Leo ponders his situation for a second, his eyes half closed and a pout dangerously close to bloom in his mouth. He might forget things sometimes, specially when he’s too focused in a new composition (just the music flooding through his head, melodies clouding his senses and the need to  _ writewritewrite _ -) but he’s pretty sure he hasn’t been violent at all lately. So there’s only two logical explanations. “Have some higher power implanted memories in your brain, or are all of you going through some kind of group delirium…? Ah! Maybe it’s both!”

Ritsu doesn’t bother to get up. He sits, however, and his red eyes seem to seize Leo up for a moment, analyzing him.

“You’re not gonna tell anyone about how ugly their hair is again, then?”

Leo looks at him, puzzled, head slightly tilted to his right. Ritsu waits two seconds, then three, then he smirks.

“Welcome back, Tsukippi.”

“When was I gone, though?”

Ritsu doesn’t answer, but his eyes are laughing at some secret joke that Leo’s not allowed to know. He tackles him to the ground, screaming something that vaguely sounds like “Don’t be mean, Rittsu~!”

For a second, everything feels normal.

  
He almost misses the quote that appears in a neatly handwriting between his songs.

_“Who are you?”_

* * *

Izumi wakes up to the light pouring from his window and the sound of his mother in the kitchen, and he inhales deeply.

What a weird dream.

He spends exactly two seconds calmly looking at the ceiling, trying to even his breathing. The last remains of sleep climb to his eyes, and he rubs them with a tired sigh. He likes to start the day early, since lazing around have never helped anyone, but thinking about his morning routine right now makes him want to sleep in.

Izumi’s hand freezes midway to his face.

His nails aren’t manicured.

Izumi sits up with a start, and neither the covers nor the room is his. He would never be this messy – there are a pile of books next to the desk, some clothes thrown over a chair, pages and pages scattering across the floor. Izumi reaches to grab one – a music sheet, with three words scribbled at the top “Lullaby for Ruka.”

He gets up and faces the mirror. The eyes that look back at him are not his own, a vibrant green contrasting with the mop of red in his head. His throat feels suddenly dry, and the beating of his heart is increasing every passing second.

Izumi opens a mouth that does not belong to him…And screams.

He tries to get away from the mirror backwards, and end up stumbling with the papers that fill every space of the floor. For a second he feels himself falling, and then he lands in his ass with an undignified squawk.

It hurts too much to be a dream, but it has to be. There’s no other logical explanation for why there are two green eyes still looking at him from the mirror.

The day just gets weirder from there.

Izumi tries, almost out of habit, to fulfill the role that seems to be expected of him, but it doesn’t go as planned. His subconscious is probably just reflecting his own fear of failure and making it into a nightmare at this point, because everything goes wrong.

And by everything, he means everything.

A list of Sena Izumi’s mistakes during his first day as whoever-this-guy-is:

  1. He ends up late to breakfast, because he was too busy freaking out in his room.
  2. His supposedly little sister has to remind him of her name, and she does so with a scowl adorning her soft features (she gets cuter every time she calls Izumi “onii-chan” with that high-pitched voice of hers. What a charmer.).
  3. Apparently, he was supposed to put his hair up in a ponytail instead of a braid. And how should he know that he had to make a show of bad taste to be himself?
  4. Ruka walks to school with him, but then he’s all on his own. He doesn’t respond to a teacher’s call _twice_ , and that’s all it takes for the rest of the class to start giggling. Izumi exceeds at glaring, and he shuts them up quickly, but keeping some respect is hard when you get the wrong seat every time they call you to the board. However, nobody seem surprised when Izumi can’t get a single name right. Thank God for the small mercies.
  5. He kicks a boy in the hall. In his defense, the stranger _did_ try to cling to him in his sleep.
  6. Once he gets out of school, he proceeds to fail at braiding. Like he’s some child from the kindergarten. The old woman that points at the colorful threads that hang from the loom never shuts up, not even when it’s obvious that Izumi’s efforts are useless, and that stir him up. She keeps talking about some ceremony as if he should know about it, a worried edge to her voice, and Izumi has to bite his tongue to stop himself from snapping at her when she puts a hand flat against his forehead, asking him is he has a fever.



(What he ends up making doesn’t look like a cord at all.)

He makes sure of hydrating the mop of red hair atop his head when he gets into the bath that night, taking every single hair softener he can get a hold on and applying it almost angrily. If he’s stuck in some weird hallucination, at least he plans to look good. And it’s not like he’s bothered by it, since she’s not even real (even if it feels like it, even if he could feel the ghost of her breath against his neck when she hugged Izumi in the afternoon) but Ruka didn’t even ask to get with him in the bath, and isn’t that something that siblings are supposed to do together? Did he make a mistake at some point during the day? Is she going to start to run away from him, too?

(Izumi gets himself underwater when that thoughts start to sound too loud in his head, like a litany of mistakes that slam against the insides of his skull.)

Once he’s getting ready to bed, his fingers absently running through the locks of his hair (it’s prettier under the sun, reflecting the light like a burning fire), he can’t help but think that this all feels too real to be a dream. He touches the soft covers, the hard walls, the smooth skin of his cheeks.

Izumi pinches himself.

It hurts.

He gets up almost in a trance, walks to his school backpack and searches for a notebook. He’s going crazy, Izumi is pretty sure of it. That knowledge doesn’t stop him from looking for a white page between all the songs and write a short message in big and bold letters, hoping he’ll see it:

_“Who are you?”_

**[2.]**

Izumi wakes up, and he has never been so glad to be himself. He almost kisses the mirror when it reflects just his face – pale skin, silver hair, pretty eyes. He doesn’t even get why he feels this relieved, but it makes his day brighter. Izumi’s starting to be really sure that it was all a dream, after all.

Then he notices the melodies written in his wall.

He feels nauseous at first, but it quickly subsides. Probably a coincidence. Probably just himself sleepwalking. Probably anything, except some mystic force making him exchange bodies with some stranger.

Probably.

Except because his mother sends him a judgmental glare during breakfast, asking him if he remembers that he has work today. And then he finds out that Naru-kun has a new selfie with him set as her lock screen, and Izumi knows he would never smile that widely because it makes his eyes wrinkle too much. In addition, Kasa-kun wants to know if he would like to go with him to that new café with the fancy parfaits again.

Izumi doesn’t know how he gets to work without throwing himself off a bridge, but he manages. Both his colleague and his boss are livid because apparently he didn’t show up to work yesterday, which means that his perfect attendance is now ruined.

He fantasies about cutting the pretty boy’s stupid red braid. Or ponytail. Whatever.

After getting the photoshoot done (the pink hair of the girl Izumi’s working with is soft, but not as bright as his was yesterday, and Izumi doesn’t even know why he keeps thinking about it even when she’s snapping at him for being too unfocused today. Which he is not, thank you very much, he might be still a little confused but he’s a professional and she’s just jealous) he unlocks his phone. An old photo of Yuu-kun smiles at him from the screen, but for once Izumi doesn’t feel his chest filling with love at the image.

There’s at least ten new notes. He didn’t write any of them.

Izumi opens the first one, his pulse echoing in his own ears as he reads.

_“I’m Tsukinaga Leo!  
Who the hell are **you**?”_

**[3.]**

They quickly realize that there’s no stopping this. In fact, it just gets worse from there – there’s no pattern to it, which drives Izumi up the wall. They just wake up in a different life sometimes, with expectations they can’t really fulfill ahead of them, and there’s no way to know when will it happen.

It takes them a couple switches, but they end up getting a system up. It’s not perfect, and it’ll definitely fail at some point, but it does the trick. It’ll be easier to ignore it, but they can’t put their lives on hold until it stops, so there’s no other way but _communicate_.

Izumi despises it.

* * *

* * *

_“Stop eating sweets! Stop it! I don’t care about your constitution, mine can’t take it!  
And start really trying at job! Modelling is not as easy as it seems, you know?”_

_“You can’t make a cord to save your life, can you, Sena?”_

_“It’s a stupid ability, and your grandma doesn’t even seem that bothered by it.  
(I SEE THE PHOTOS YOU TAKE WHEN YOU GO OUT EATING WITH KASA-KUN.)”_

_“You should loosen up a little, Sena!”_

_“I’m going to kill you.”_

_“You can’t kill what you can’t catch! HAHAHA”_

* * *

* * *

Leo wakes up to notes hanging from the mirror, the wall, his jacket. They’re mostly reminders of things Sena considers important ( _ blahblah job is at 6 p.m, don’t let Narukun paint your nails again, you have your sena-approved meals in the fridge, for the love of god DON’T talk to yuukun blahblah _ .), all of them written in that neatly way of his. Leo’s pretty sure that Sena took calligraphy classes when he was a kid.

Sena probably took classes of anything Leo can think of, anyway.

He should feel more bothered than he is about switching lives with a stranger, but it’s not that bad. He gets to see Tokyo, which is far more interesting than his little mountain village, and Sena’s friends are fascinating people, once they stop looking at him like he just grow a second head.

Naru takes him shopping once, and she doesn’t even say anything when Leo enters a music shop and starts trying out every single instrument he can find. Inspiration hits him like a truck, and Leo ends up writing for the rest of the evening. He scribbles in his own arm once he ends any available space the pages of his notebook can offer.

Naru starts carrying blank pages wherever she goes. That girl is sweet like that. Her music is always gentle, and it makes him feel tranquil. Leo wonders if Sena appreciates her enough, because they don’t seem to have many photos together. Leo let her make a few selfies sometimes, just because  _ Sena is stupidly pretty anyway, so he shouldn’t mind, and she looks so happy looking at them! _

Naru sets a different background every day after they take a few. Her favorite seems to be a picture of the three of them in winter clothes, all barely fitting in the frame and Tsukasa looking mildly alarmed by all the physical contact, both Leo and Naru pressing against him with a smile plastered to their faces. (It’s lovely and endearing, but Sena hates it: he draws a line all across Leo’s nose in vengeance, which is actually pointless, because everyone’s already used to see him ink stained anyway. Doesn’t Sena know, that geniuses like him are always a little eccentric?)

The kid isn’t bad, either. Leo can’t even remember his name at first (it’s stuck in his head, unable to come out), but he settles with “Suo~” after a few days, taking advantage of one of his classmates calling for him. Suo~ seems mildly frustrated by this.

“I’d appreciate if you could avoid forgetting my name again, senpai.” He says through gritted teeth, a chocolate bun in his right hand. “It took you long enough to remember it the first time.”

“I don’t know that you mean!”

Leo smiles. He always forgets that he isn’t supposed to, because it makes everyone look at him in an odd way. Suo~ lets out an affronted sound from the back of his throat.

“You never forget about Narukami-senpai’s name!”

Leo hums. The kid is right: he never had a problem remembering how Naru is called, and it has nothing to do with the fact that she’s sweet and charming. The reason is a lot simpler.

“It sounds like an anime's ninja name!”

Suo~ munches his bun harder.

* * *

Leo might have thought that the aliens are to blame, if it wasn’t for his mother.

He does not remember much, however. If he tries to stretch his memory, some glimpses of it come to his mind – Ruka snoozing off in his knees, his mother’s hand petting his hair in calming motions, her voice sweet and gentle to his ears as she whispers something about traditions, about dreams, about unbreakable strings and bonds and fateful encounters in a reality far away from their own. And Leo might not remember most of it, but it’s enough.

He doesn’t think about that moment for a long time, though. It becomes something rusty and unused at the back of his head, just a blurry image that comes to his mind when he’s walking the thin line between dreams and reality, and even then he mostly remembers the warmth of it all, the security of a mother embrace, the tenderness of Ruka’s fingers curling around his own.

(Comforting they might be, but the memories can’t hold a child close when their father leaves the house. And Leo is a big brother first and a twelve years old second, so he doesn’t shed a single tear in front of Ruka. He’s the one to hug her and whisper sweet nothings into her temple while she cries her heart out, since their mother is not there. And he doesn’t let go of her hand in the years to come.)

The point, though, is that he knows it’s not an alien thing. But it’d be easier if it was.

He keeps waking up as Sena Izumi at least thrice a week.

* * *

He wakes up as Tsukinaga Leo thrice a week.

* * *

Slowly, inch by inch, he learns. Sena is a boy his age living in Tokyo, and the thing is…

* * *

That they’re switching places. At irregular intervals, too, as if this situation could get more chaotic than it already seemed the first time it happened. Their memories of the swap fade away as soon as they wake up, like a far off dream.

* * *

But somehow it also feels like a memory, like something familiar that grow faint once the years has gone by. As soon as they notice what’s happening, Leo can keep some things in his mind. They keep diary entries in their phones too, because they couldn’t get through with either a call or a message, but Sena is obsessed with the idea of setting rules to keep their lives as intact as possible.

(Leo tends to forget about the phone and write directly into his skin. Once, he used a permanent maker.)

* * *

If the situation doesn’t drive Izumi crazy, this boy will.

* * *

* * *

_  
“So what’s up with that kid at your school? He runs everytime he sees you!!”_

_“No. He runs every time he sees **you** ”_

_“Same thing lol. His name is Yuukun, right? Naru said you call him that! Actually, she told me tons of things about you. Are you some kind of weirdo, Sena~?”_

_“Well, as if you’re one to talk about managing relationships! Nazunyan seems to think you are unable to remember his name!”_

_“Nazunyan?”_

_“Nazuna Nito.”_

_“Who’s that.”_

* * *

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, English is not my first language and I don't have a beta reader at the moment sooo... -Hands you a poorly written fic.-
> 
> I actually posted this because I need some kind of boost to keep writing it, and any comment or opinion will be welcomed! My idea is to follow the main points of the movie, but there'll be...tons of changes. You see, for starters, Knights will have a prominent role because I just can't keep myself from writing interactions between them.
> 
> And, you know, Taki and Mitsuha are not Izumi and Leo. They might be able to pretend they are the other, but that's...not exactly the case. So.
> 
> Anyway, if you got this far, thank you for reading!!


	2. Chapter 2

_STOP going out without styling my hair first if you are going to take photos! I look hideous!_

_You always look nice. Stop being a party pooper! And also, don’t get attached to Rukatan, she’s MY little sister!_

_And what do you want me to do? Ignore her?_

_MAYBE!!!!!_

**[1.]**

Izumi likes Ruka a lot.

As an only child, he’s never had the chance to interact with a younger sibling (apart from Yuukun, of course, but that’s…on a whole different level.) Ruka is cute, she’s nice, she looks up to his older brother in a sweet, shy way that makes Izumi feel soft, his insides turning to jelly with only a look from her.

She's the only thing he wish to keep from this nightmare.

It’s obvious that Leo loves her too, if the way she acts around him is something to go by. Nobody seem surprised whenever Izumi can’t resist the urge to hug her or make a comment about how absolutely _adorable_ she is, which says a lot about her real brother.

It’s funny how much you can learn about someone by living in their shoes for some weeks.

Izumi knows about Leo's songs (and he finds himself learning music when he’s in his own body, which is objectively idiotic, because he’s wasting enough time in this boy already. And yet.), about the way he likes to have breakfast, about those stupid boots he likes to wear all the time, about how her grandmother expects him to help her even when he’s busy with schoolwork, about how his best friend sleeps most of the day and is an annoying prick the rest of the time.

He mostly learns that the town he lives in is incredibly _boring_.

Nothing ever happens in Itomori. People live dull, tedious lives until they die, and then their children are doomed to repeat the circle. There’s just one store, two benches in a little viewpoint with mountain views, a train that passes every three hours, no bookstores, no dentist, no dance studio, no café.

But two pubs. For some reason.

What he knows of the village’s history comes mostly from wary comments here and there. There was a fire at the temple at some point, at least a century ago (probably the last interesting event to happen, duh), and all their written traditions were lost. The Tsukinaga family was in charge when it happened, as they are still today, and so they have a long story of absurdly intricated braided cords and oral history. 

Some rituals remained, even if the meaning was lost to the flames, because the people of Itomori were clinging to their old myths and rites. And so the time went by, and the Tsukinagas braided cords, and danced at the artificial light of the torches once a year, and made some kind of… weird alcohol with their saliva that Izumi’s not sure he can qualify as healthy, and their story endured.

Most of this, he learns through Ritsu. He lets the information out between yawns and slow blinks, as if he’s just saying it to keep the drowsiness away by talking. The Sakumas are the only family left that is even older than the Tsukinagas, their roots losing themselves into the darkness of ancient times.

Everyone expected Leo to be friends with Ritsu from a young age, but they didn’t start to hang out until high school. Ritsu was both a sickly child and too obsessed with his best friend to spare even a look at Leo.

(Foolish, if you ask Izumi, because his hair is much prettier than Isara’s and his facial features are way cuter. And no, he’s not saying it just because he lives with that face from time to time, thank you very much.)

Anyway.

That’s not the point.

The thing is that Izumi is a city boy, accustomed to constant noise and activity. There’s nothing to do in Itomori, and he spends most of his days hanging out with Ritsu or Ruka. He would have expected Leo to be a social butterfly, because both Naru-kun and Kasa-kun seem to be charmed by his extravagant personality, but it isn’t the case.

Izumi almost prefers it, because he doesn’t have to interact with any of the weirdos that Leo would attract. He just talks to Nazunyan (who seems to be delighted by the fact that “Leo” can remember his name now) and Kuro most of the time, when he’s not trying to wake Ritsu up.

(Izumi still refers to him as “Kuma-kun” in his mind, since that first day when he didn’t know how the hell was Ritsu called and all the clues he could get were people saying his surname in the distance.)

However, most of Itomori seems to be formed by useless morons. Izumi doesn’t have to be a genius to notice about the way some people try to bother Leo: small gestures, low whispers, nothing to be alarmed of, but enough to piss him off. It’s driving him up the wall.

Izumi tries not to snap. He really does. But nobody can blame him once he fails spectacularly when he tells someone to get off his way with a pointed stare, because the dunce in question was being difficult on purpose. So he was asking for it, because Izumi is the only one with a permit (given by himself, thank you very much) to be a jerk around others. The guy just keeps looking at him with wide eyes and mouth hanging open, like a dreadful dead fish.

Izumi can hear Nazunyan snort in the background just as he pushes the stranger away with his shoulder. He hopes Leo doesn’t mind, but his cute features can be menacing if he puts on a serious face.

(In his defense, he does remember to keep up the façade. As he’s walking away, Izumi makes sure to throw away a “Uchuu” over his shoulder. His tone comes out flat and dry, just as his expression, but at least he makes the effort.)

“Everyone is being more annoying than usual lately.” he says on their way home. Ruka nods with a resigned expression painted into her soft face, lips pressed against each other. Ritsu, who is just going home with them because Mao’s busy today, lets out a shameless yawn.

“Maybe it’s because the ritual’s soon.” he says, the words coming out slowly.

Izumi tries very hard to pretend that he knows what he’s talking about.

“They are so…so immature.” Ruka whispers. She sounds so small, her body leaning slightly against Izumi’s, as if she’s looking for some kind of protection. He beams.

Of course, Ritsu has to pop his bubble.

“I just hope you’re ready for it, Tsukippi.”

Izumi looks at him, surprised by the serious tone of his voice. There’s a second of silence as they just stare into each other’s eyes, and Ritsu’s smile is almost predatory when he turns to look ahead again.

He just hopes that Leo’s in charge of whatever weird ritual that might come their way.

* * *

Leo has a hard time remembering why he’s not supposed to make friends.

Tokyo has so many people, surely Sena would want at least a few of them close, wouldn’t he? So why is Leo’s body and smartphone full of written warnings to keep his mouth shut and not socialize too much? Why does Sena have to be so  _ difficult _ ?

Leo has notes on literally everyone Sena has ever knew. About how to behave around them, who he has to be polite with and who is an “absolute piece of shit, so tell them to fuck off if they try to talk to you”.

The second list is surprisingly short. However, the “they are an idiot but they’re okay, I guess” is almost three pages long.

Stupid tsundere.

“Oi, Senacchi! Are you even listening to me?”

Leo looks up to the blonde boy that is leaning against his desk, brown (no, not brown! Uuuuuh hazel! Hazel eyes!) irises looking straight as his face. Leo hums.

“No, not really!”

“Ah!? So you admit it!”

Leo resists the urge to look through Sena’s notes to see who this person is. Maybe he should kindly tell him to fuck off, just to be sure that he’s not making friends with the enemy. He seems nice, however, if a little offended for some reason.

(Leo honestly doesn’t get why.)

“I was asking you about hair products! You should feel flattered, you know!? I wouldn’t usually ask for a boy’s opinion on this, and yet I came to you!”

Leo doesn’t know shit about hair products. He uses Ruka’s most of the time, or trust his grandma to buy some for him. However, if the more than ten bottles lining up in Sena’s bathroom are anything to tell by, he is supposed to be able to answer this question.

Uh.

“Isn’t your hair good enough already?”

The boy looks mildly flattered, but he shakes his head.

“Your opinion does not matter! Just help me out!”

There’s a loud laugh at his right, and Leo wonders how long have the third person been there. He tries to remember his name too, but to no avail.

“Nagumo uses a special brand after he dyes his hair! I could ask him, Hakaze.”

“Ah!? Isn’t that child of yours like, super manly or whatever? I need something that a girl would like, Moricchi!”

Leo ponders over this for a few seconds. Why is he asking him, if he wants someone to like him? It’s obvious that Sena doesn’t care much about that kind of things, and he definitely isn’t a girl. Naru would probably be the best option here, but she won’t be around until recess, so he’s on his own. Leo can hear the voices of the other two in the background, still arguing over hair products, and his hand start to hover absently over the table, creating melodies in the air as the music starts to fill his head. It’s a energetic melody chanted by the words of the two unknown guys. Leo wonders if they’re Sena’s friends. It would be nice, if he could have someone like this - someone to talk about inconsequential things like hair products and love and the awkward age they are all going through - apart from Naru and Suou~, who are both his juniors.

There’s at least a minute of calm, just Leo and his tunes, and then one of the strangers pokes him in the arm. Leo jumps in his seat.

“Oi, Sena, are you okay? Do you want me to carry you to the infirmary, or something?”

“Mm. Senacchi has been kind of weird lately, hasn’t he?”

Just as the words leave the blonde-haired person’s mouth, the door opens to reveal a smiling Naru. Leo gets up immediately, seeing his chance to run away before things get messy.

“Senacchi?”

Leo turns to look at them, walking backwards for a few seconds as he smiles.

“Your hair is okay, so if no girl likes you it has to be because of other thing, maybe your personality?” He shakes his head. Not the point, but they might not fancy him because he looks ugly with his mouth hanging open like that. “Anyway, see you later! Or maybe never!”

Naru seems puzzled when he looks at her again, her expression full of surprise. Leo realizes, maybe too late, that the blonde boy might not have been in Sena’s black list. She ends up shaking her head with indulgence, a small smile tugging at her lips when she laces her arm with Leo’s.

“Has Kaoru-senpai been too laid back for your tastes again?” she makes a pause, obviously suppressing a giggle. “You can’t be mean to your friends, Izumi-chan!”

Leo tries to find something in-character to say, and he ends up repeating the phrase that has been imprinted in his notebooks and skin for the last few weeks, every time he wakes up in Sena’s body.

“So annoying!”

Naru laughs out loud, this time.

**[2.]**

Izumi wonders at what point he started to grow attached to Leo.

It was probably at some point between wanting to drown him and learning how much his little sister loves him. Maybe even a little before that, the first time that he found a  _ “Your eyes are very pretty, you know!?” _ scribbled into his math notebook.

It’s becoming harder to not think about him, even when he’s in his own body. Izumi finds himself remembering stupid things about Leo all the time (“He would hate this lesson”, or “I wonder if he’s with Ritsu right now”, or “Where did that jerk left my favorite shoes.”, or the always scary “I wish I could tell him about this right now”, which makes Izumi feel vulnerable and raw and dizzy all at once.)

He finds music sheets all over his room after Leo’s in charge of his body: in his desk, the ground, even under his mattress once. Izumi starts to understand the melodies written in them, and he clumsily hums the tune to himself from time to time. He adds lyrics in the page edges now and then, and Leo scribbles hearts all around them.

If Izumi smiles to himself when he sees it, there’s no one to tell.

It’s easier to face the day of school, modelling and homework with Leo’s melodies going through his mind. Most of them are duets lately, and he fantasies about how they would sound sang by the two of them, voices harmonizing and intermingling just like their lives are. Just like those cords of his.

“You’ve been weird.” says his coworker, because apparently no one can let him be happy for a while. She uses a gentle tone that doesn’t fit her at all. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know what you mean.” Izumi answers, just as he has done the last fifteen times that someone has said something similar in the last week.

She lets an awkward silence fall upon them. They’re taking a short break from the photoshoot, and usually she would seize the moment to scold him about literally anything she could think of. Koi is like that: all sharp words and even sharper smiles, just a lot of self-importance mixed with mommy issues and shaped into a person.

“You’re not like, in love with me or anything, are you?” she asks, and her voice sounds almost alarmed. Izumi looks at her like she just grew a second head.

“You wish.” he snorts. Koi lets out a deep sigh of relief.

“Good, because you know I am…not like that.”

“Straight, you mean.”

Koi takes a deep breath. She’s tapping her nails against her own tight in a gesture of nervousness, but she gives a discrete nod anyway. Then she shrugs and makes a hand gesture to rest importance to the topic.

“Even if you were a girl, you’re still an ass.” she says, and then shrugs. Izumi is tempted to ask her if she’s still trying to tap Narukun’s ass, just to see her get a little flustered. Koi keeps going before he can open his mouth, however. “So, if you’re not into me, why did you tell me how pretty I would be if I stopped making a sour expression?”

Izumi freezes. He can physically feel the indignation and frustration start to boil at the pit of his stomach.

“I said that, didn’t I.”

“…Yeah? You were here with Arashi-san and that loud kid, uh…Morisawa?”

She plays with a lock of her hair, seizing him with a judgmental glare. Koi probably thinks that he’s either going crazy or messing with her, and a tiny part of him starts to believe that the first option is the correct one.

“What else did I say?”

“Not much.” She pauses for a second, and then. “Can I ask what “uchuu” means, though?”

He’s going to skin that fucking idiot.

* * *

* * *

_DID YOU ASK RUKATAN TO PUNCH ME IN THE NOSE?_

_I hope it hurt._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, uh- hi!
> 
> First of all, I'm always embarrassed about my own writing, but since I exposed myself in twitter already...uh, follow me at @ nozomumelody and talk izuleo to me, maybe? I have a curiouscat too!
> 
> Now, I know this chapter was kind of a filler, but: 1. I love exploring different dynamics, so there's that! And 2. this was supposed to be longer, but life's been a bitch to me lately (my dad's been hospitalized and my finals are coming up) so I don't know when will I be able to update again! I hope it'll be soon.
> 
> (Comments and kudos are my fuel, so if you could spare a little time, I'd be delighted,,, thank you for reading anyway!)


	3. Chapter 3

_Can you PLEASE stop getting cuddly with Kasa-kun. People are going to get the wrong idea._

_His cheeks are soft tho._

_I know._

_But that doesn’t change ANYTHING._

**[1.]**

Leo is still thinking about revenge when the next week roll by, only one switch in five days.

Ruka has apologized for hitting him, even if apparently “you asked me to, onii-chan! And you also promised to give me your dessert for the next month if I did!”. And his grandmother noded in the background, so Leo can’t back off now. He has to teach Ruka some morals, because she definitely can’t learn them from their dad. 

Ritsu seems curious at Leo’s grumpy pout, but he doesn’t say anything. He’s probably too busy trying to keep his eyes open.

“I thought you were getting better at the whole morning thing, Sakuma-senpai.” Ruka says the third time that he dozes off in his feet. Ritsu hums in a vague agreement, but he doesn’t seem to be really aware of what she’s saying. Ruka smiles, and it warms something in Leo’s heart. “At least you’ll be awake to see the comet…” 

Leo doesn’t hear the rest, because he’s too busy staring at the person in front of them, at the end of the stairs.

There’s something that the whole town knows by heart at this point: If Tsukinaga Leo gets even a little glimpse of Mikejima Madara, he will under any circumstance run at him and throw himself into his arms with a probably very-loud-and-very-excited-because-oh-my-god-he-is-here kind of scream.

That’s exactly what happens. Leo sees him getting off his bike, helmet under his arm and hair still messy. He lets out a piercing “ _ Mama _ ” and then he’s running towards him, jumping the two last steps. Madara almost seems surprised, but he catches him nonetheless. Leo buries his face into his shoulder with a pleased sigh when Madara hugs him, strong arms encircling his waist in a way that’s almost protective. In a world where most people looks at him like he’s a hassle, a disaster waiting to happen, Madara unconditional support feels like his own personal haven.

“Hello there, Leo-san!” Madara says, and Leo steps back just to look into his eyes. He’s smiling, but the gesture’s not as carefree as usual. He seems wary. “I thought you were ignoring me for some reason?”

“Ah? Mama, I would never!”

“I know that! But I tried to say hi to you the other day and you didn’t even spare a look at me, so-”

Leo thinks that he should write Sena a list of things to remember too. He’s been thinking about it for the last weeks, but it always ends up slipping off his mind somehow. He thought that someone so smart would be able to follow some simple steps based on elementary social norms. 

Well, he was obviously in the wrong. Izumi Sena is just a gremlin hidden behind a pretty face. A expired yogurt of a boy.

“I didn’t!? I wonder why...Maybe I was abducted, or replaced by some mean alien that doesn’t know any manners~”

Madara has a fond look painted into his face, which means that he has already forgiven Leo. He probably wasn’t even mad in the first place, but it’s still a relief.

“How long are you going to be around this time?”

“Well, I still don’t know!” At this point, both Ritsu and Ruka have catched up to them. There’s a pause as Madara stirs Ruka’s hair and wave at Ritsu, never losing that bright smile of his. “But I’ll be around for the harvest festival and the ritual, at least!”

Here’s what people always tell about Madara:

His father is not a good enough policeman. His mother is shady, potentially a danger to the whole town. His sister is a shut-in, a weird girl that will probably die too young to leave a real mark in the world anyway. Strange people keep going to his house at ungodly hours, tall and broad figures covered in ink and bad intentions. He’s manipulative and remorseless, too interested in getting his way to think about the rest of Itomori. 

He’s gone most of the time anyway, they say, and that’s probably for the better.

This is what Leo  _ knows  _ about Madara:

He was the first person out of his family to hug him after his father left. The first to get a smile out of him, too. He’s brutally honest, but also caring and protective of those he considers close to him. He appears to come flying in Leo’s hours of need, ready to help in any way he can, like an implacable force made of vigour and good intentions. He cheers Ruka on when she’s down and sings all of Leo’s song whenever he wants to hear them aloud.

He’s gone most of the time anyway, Leo thinks, and that’s probably Itomori’s punishment. 

“I’ll be watching, so you two have to do your very best!” Madara says, and he pats lightly Ruka’s head. 

For a second, Leo wishes that Sena could watch them too.

He pushes the thought away and forces a smile. There’s no point in dwelling about it anyway.

* * *

Ruka says that the kuchikamizake is disgusting.

Well, it’s not really the sake in particular that she finds revolting. More like the process of how the drink is made. The thought of chewing rice and then spitting it, using her own saliva as a fermentation starter, was as appealing as a dead mouse to her.

Grandma says that she’s just a pretentious little child, too busy with herself to worry about the traditions and old rituals that have been keeping her family alive for generations. Ruka blushes, lets out a few tears of pure frustration and then proceeds to go change into her robes. And Leo warns her grandma, voice calm and collected but dangerous nevertheless, that she will be the one dancing next year if she makes his little sister cry again.

Even so, when the moment comes Leo enjoys the dance. He remembers his mother teaching him the steps, the way he has to angle his arms as the bells let out a repetitive, almost soothing sound. The ample sleeves gently follow every movement, no matter how cautious and loose it is. He finds an odd kind of melody in his own motion, the music in his head intermingling with the one that set his pace. 

It’s easy to ignore everything. The malicious snorts of a few classmates, the dull ache in his chest at the thought of Sena, the discomfort of Ruka by his side, the expectations weighing him down. They twirl in sync, the colorful cords tied to their bells moving alongside them, like the tail of a comet.

Their last turn comes, and the sound of the traditional that accompanied them fades away. Leo walks to the wooden box placed in the ground slowly. He unwraps the rice, chews it with care (eyes closed and the music fading away and he thinks: would Sena find this disgusting, too? Just like Ruka? Would he laugh with all of them? Is he better? Am  _ I  _ better?) and then spits it into the container, veiled only by his long sleeve as he lets go of the sweet taste that still clings to his tongue for a few seconds. The saliva mixes with the grains and comes out as a thick white liquid that gets a few disgusted sounds out of the little crowd. Leo smiles at Madara, Ritsu and Isara in the audience once he gets up. The cute boy that Sena calls like a cat is there too, scolding at the ones who were laughing in a low voice. Leo almost snorts.

He goes back into the temple trying to not look over his shoulder. Ruka lets out a resigned sigh once the door closes behind them.

Leo holds his box close to his chest, and wonders idly if the gods will be pleased by their offering.

* * *

* * *

_I'm sure I could make that glasses-kid like you if I wanted._

_Yuukun likes me plenty! And don't be cheeky, you don't even have a girlfriend._

_HAHAHA! Who told you I want a girlfriend?_

_Even if that was the case, you couldn’t get one anyway._

_Mean jerk!_

_IDIOT._

* * *

* * *

**[2.]**

Being with Sena’s friend always makes Leo feel like he’s bathed in sunlight.

He wonders if Sena knows how lucky he is, or if he’s too busy trying to be perfect to even notice what’s around him. Because this life? This opportunity to be close to good people ( _ really _ good people), to be loved, to be  _ happy _ ? This is good. This is great, even if his parents keep pushing him into being better, being the best.

(No pressure!)

Leo is seizing this opportunity, at least. He rest his head in Naru’s lap and gives Suo~ important lessons about the futility of human life or how to make a marshmallow sandwich. Sometimes he almost forgets that he does not belong in this world, in this body.

Sena’s house always seems so flawless and pristine, white walls, white carpet, white couch, glass coffee table. Impeccable, stylish and apparently  _ perfect _ . Everything is exactly where it should be, with no place for chaos.

Leo knows he belongs to a place of turmoil and disarray. To a sister that recolocates everything without announcing it first, to a grandma that’s starting to forget about little details (just enough to make Leo afraid, to put a cold claw against his heart), to old walls stained by music notes and chipped mugs, to screaming matches between his father and grandma. 

And he likes his life, he really does. It’s not perfect, but it’s  _ his _ .

(He enters into Sena’s life like a hurricane, dyeing his white walls with melodies, losing his class notes, filling his phone with images of his friends, laughing too hard and eating too much.

Sometimes he wonders if Sena really hates it. He doesn’t think so. Sena keeps adding lyrics to his songs, at least, so Leo’s hopeful about it.)

The point is that Leo’s enjoying the whole “being Sena once in a while” thing. It’s kind of frustrating, because he ends up forgetting most of it once he’s back in his body. Oh, of course he can always grasp the essentials: Naru’s smile and the promise to go eating with Suo~ and the words he left in Sena’s skin, but the details always fade away.

Sena’s mother kissed his temple once, all sweet and protective and so unbelievable  _ warm _ . She said “I love you, sweetie” and “I’m sorry if I’m too hard on you sometimes.” and then, in a low voice “It’s my turn to make dinner tomorrow, what do you want?”

And Leo didn’t even like her that much, but it was so motherly that he found himself fighting the tears. That, he remembers.

He also manages to keep in mind that Sena hates how much money Leo’s spending. He just chooses to ignore it.

So, when Naru asks him if he would like to go to the amusement park with them, he jumps at the invitation.

“Yeah, sure!” he pauses then, thinking about it. Leo’s sure that he’s forgetting something, but he can’t put his finger on what it is, exactly. “Just the three of us?”

“Unless you want to ask someone” Naru says, smile sweet as honey. Leo shrugs, playing with the braided cord in Sena’s wrist. It’s a calming motion.

“Nah, just us is fine! What do you want to ride first, Suo~? I’m sure you’re afraid of heights!”

“And why would you suspect such thing, senpai?” he sounds frustrated, voice tense.

“You just seem like the type!”

“That’s...That’s just presumptuous and prejudiced! You can’t assess a person by that, like some sort of fortune-reader!”

Leo raises from Naru’s lap just to lean in his personal’s space. He smirks.

“I am right, aren’t I?”

Suo~ offended sound is enough as an answer.

* * *

_ That’s Leo’s alarm. _ Izumi thinks, still groggy and sleepy. That means he’s waking up in Itomori today - and that’s good. Perfect, even, because he has been talking with Nazunyan about a radio project to start bringing this old village to the 21st century, and…

His hand touches a piece of paper.

Leo has left a note, for once, so Izumi’s not startled when the loud knocking in the door starts.

His words are squeezed between perfectly drawn music sheets, something about going to the altar in the mountain to offer some  _ kuchimizake  _ to the gods. Izumi makes a face, wondering -not for the first time- if something really makes sense in Leo’s life.

This is a good excuse to start the day early anyway, since following Leo’s habits implies losing time in his room until an acceptable hour. Which means at least noon. 

So Izumi changes into something comfortable, braids his hair, ties it with one of that weird cords they make and goes out. Ruka’s already waiting, cuter than the cutest in her hiking outfit. She has two backpacks ready with food and water, and Izumi can’t help but wonder how long will the climbing be.

Leo’s grandmother won’t be going with them, and Izumi think that’s good. Her bones and joints crack enough as it is, she doesn’t need to add a full day of hiking to that mix. Ritsu, however, is waiting for them outside.

A few weeks ago that would have surprised Izumi, but he knows more about Itomori now. Enough to understand that the Sakuma’s legacy is fundamental - as much as the Tsukinaga’s, maybe even more. The people of Itomori is steadfast in their beliefs, and the old traditions are important: The Sakumas accompany the Tsukinagas to make their offering, because they can’t remember a time when it wasn’t like this. Probably.

So Izumi says hi, and Ritsu yawns, and Ruka smiles - bright as the sun. And then they’re off to the mountain.

It’s been almost an hour, and Izumi’s starting to see the appeal of Leo’s stamina (he’s not even remotely tired yet, which is impressive) when Ruka whines:

“Why is the body of our shrine’s god all the way up the mountain?”

Neither him nor Ritsu say anything for a few seconds. And then:

“It’s not like anybody can know, thanks to the fire.”

She lets out a tired sigh. Izumi breaks into a short run to kneel in front of Ruka, always eager to please a little sibling.

“Onii-chan can piggyride you!” he offers. Ruka seems to ponder it for a few seconds, but then she gladly lowers her weight onto his back. Izumi can hear her whisper a tiny ‘thank you’, and her breath collides against his ear with gentleness. For a second, he feels invincible.

Leo’s body might seem light and thin, but he’s surprisingly strong. A small animal he might be, but Izumi has no doubt that he’s carnivorous. 

Izumi doesn’t even like the mountain that much, but the light is filtering between the maples leaves with a tender kind of grace, dyeing their path in shades of yellow and red. The air is almost warm against his face, bringing the damp smell of lichen and moss. Ruka’s weight is calming against him, a constant reminder of her presence. And for a second Izumi thinks: _ this is good _ . 

And then:

_ This should be Leo’s. _

He tries not to dwell in that thought too much.

“Do you know what  _ musubi  _ means?” asks Ritsu, his voice serene. He doesn’t look that good, however - there’s a thin layer of sweat clinging to his face and neck, and he’s paler than usual. The sun’s not kind to him.

“ _ Musubi _ ?” Ruka’s voice sounds just over his shoulder, and Izumi tighten his grip softly.

“That’s how our local guardian deity is called in the old language.”

“That weird dialect of y- _ ours _ ?”

Ritsu looks at him with his eyebrows raised and a knowing smirk in his lips. Izumi scoffs lightly.

“You two should know, right? Joining threads is musubi. Joining people is musubi. Even the passage of time? That’s musubi, too. Our god’s power is supposed to envelop all those things.” 

Izumi wants to laugh. This people leave in a folktale, isolated in their own little world.

“So he joins people.” he repeats, looking at Ritsu. Between the trees, Izumi’s still can guess the shape of the lake. “Like you and that kid you like?”

“That’s right.” Ritsu nods, the gesture full of solemnity. He looks almost proud. “Maakun and I are bonded by the god themself. It doesn’t matter how many times we’re reborn, we’ll always be together~”

Ruka gasp a little.

“That’s romantic!” she chirps, and Izumi can’t help but roll his eyes. “I wish the god would set up someone for me, too…”

For a little bit, neither of them say anything, too busy trying to catch their breaths. When Ritsu continues, Izumi fights the urge to roll his eyes.

“The braided cords you make.” There’s a pause. “Or try to, at least.” he’s looking at Izumi, and if he wasn’t busy carrying Ruka he would punch that smirk off his face. “Those are his art, and that’s how he works with time itself; just like you do. The cords come together, twisting and tangling to make a shape; sometimes they come undone or break off, but then they end up reuniting. That’s time. And that’s musubi.”

_ And that’s bullshit. _ Izumi thinks. But then again, he has been switching places with a complete stranger for a few months now, so maybe he should shut up.

He repeats the word internally one, then twice. He’ll try to remember it, once he wakes up. Maybe he’ll end up looking more into it, if he finds some free time.

They end up taking a rest in the shade, and Ruka hands them a thermos with fresh water. Izumi swallow the first cup quickly, and then he passes a second to her.

“And that’s another musubi~” Ritsu says. Izumi kicks him lightly in the calf, but he just chuckles. “Don’t be mean, Tsukippi, I’m serious. It’s how putting anything edible in your body was called- what you eat or drink bind to your soul.” Ruka passes him the thermos, and he purses his nose in a gesture full of disgust. “No, I only want blood right now...I wish Maakun was here…”

“Bring him here with your weird musubi powers.” Izumi says. Ruka looks scandalized. 

“What you’re doing today” Ritsu goes on, and his gaze is focused only in Izumi. “is important, because it binds the god to our people.”

Izumi knows about the sake made with saliva. He’s still weirded out by it, and he definitely does  _ not  _ want to carry it around, but he feels better knowing that at least this is supposed to be important. So this is apparently a drink that Leo made binding his very own soul to the rice. Izumi’s glad he didn’t refuse to go and make the offering, because he did think about it when he found the note in the morning.

They still take another hour, but they finally got to the peak of the mountain. Izumi can barely see the little town below them, almost hidden between the clouds. The air is thinner here, and he can feel the sweat stuck to his skin ( _ grossgrossgross _ ); his breathing is uneven, even if Ruka’s been hiking by herself for the last fifteen minutes.

She’s the first one to notice.

“I can see it already.” she whispers, the words leaving her in a relieved sigh.

Izumi follows her gaze. The top of the mountain is just a crater-like basin with an inside full of green, the color only broken by colorful patches of flowers and a little stream. Near its center is a massive tree that stretches up, up, up, proud branches trying to reach the heavens. It’s a place out of an old myth, made of tales and folklore, and there’s an otherworldly atmosphere to it all that makes Izumi feels breathless.

It’s beautiful.

“This is the edge of the other side.” Ritsu says suddenly, startling Izumi. He jumps with a high-pitched noise that makes him blush. Ritsu just smirks. “In order to return to our world…” he starts to cross the stream in front of them, without caring about how wet his feet might get. He offers a hand to Ruka then, and help her cross on the stepping-stones. He glances at Izumi briefly, but it’s enough to left him glued to his spot. “...you have to leave behind what’s most important to you. The kuchimizake. That’s half of you, you know, so you have to offer it inside the god’s body.”

Izumi thinks that this has to be one of those places that you can’t leave once you have stepped in. He makes a suspicious face when Ritsu reaches out to him.

“What will you offer?” Izumi asks, wary.

Ritsu seems like he wants to laugh again.

“The tradition says that we Sakumas are the guardians to the other side. We’re not monsters nor humans, so we’re always stuck in the middle of both shores.” he wiggles his fingers, silently asking Izumi to take his hand. “We grant you a safe access to the other side, and in exchange you shall offer your blood to-”

“That’s a lie.” Izumi hisses. Ritsu forms a light smile.

“Only the last part, Tsukippi.”

Izumi takes his hand then, and he lets Ritsu guide him through the stones to the other side. Ruka’s already taken out the urn from her backpack, and she’s pressing it close to her chest. Izumi does the same. He can hear the liqueur splash inside the ceramic. 

“You have to go to the god’s body” Ritsu says, pointing at the enormous tree. “There’s a shrine below it. Offer the sake there and come back.”

“You’re not coming with us?” Izumi asks, even if Ruka has already started to walk away. 

Ritsu smiles. He looks somehow sad.

“I’ve already told you, I’m stuck in the middle. Don’t say that kind of sacrilegious things, Tsukippi, people might get the wrong idea.”

Izumi doesn’t know what to say. He notices that he’s still holding his hand, and for a second he just stares at their intermingling fingers. 

Izumi squeezes them tightly, and expects that the gesture can transmit the strange feeling that makes his chest feel tight. He hopes it’s at least a little comforting.

He walks towards the god’s body then.

* * *

When they go back, Izumi tries very hard to ignore the weird nostalgic feeling flooding through his body. He doesn’t know if he’ll remember the cave once he’s back to his own life, if he’ll be able to think about the unsettling sensation of being very, very small, like an ant in the hand of a giant, just himself under an ancient tree, kneeling before an old god, leaving behind half of a soul that doesn’t belong to him. 

The sun’s already setting when they get out of the crater. Red spills between the leaves again, reflecting in Ruka’s hair - in his own too, probably - and making it look like a halo of fire around her soft features. The dying sunlight dyes the whole scene, and Izumi can see the village now - the lake returns the red shade to the sky, bathing the whole scene with an ethereal tone that makes it seem bewitching.

“It’s the half-light.” Ruka whispers. Ritsu hums in agreement. Izumi, again, doesn’t understand what they’re saying. Another word in their old dialect that he can’t fully understand - twilight, he supposes.

The evening sun lights up Ritsu and Ruka when Izumi looks at them again, chest filled with a sudden feeling of adoration. To them. To the picture-perfect moment. To Leo. 

“We should be able to see the comet soon, right?” Ruka says, and she narrows her eyes to the sky, trying to keep the light of the setting sun away with her hand. 

Izumi doesn’t know what she’s talking about, but the words make something arouse inside of him, an unnerving feeling that leaves him agitated. He pushes all that away, drinking in the view. 

Izumi can imagine how he must look right now, how Leo would look, hair ablaze and a tender expression. He would probably crack some joke, or maybe he’d just turn to Izumi and smile at him, that bright gesture that Izumi has only seen in some photos, and then he’d reach out to take his hand and Izumi. Izumi would let him.

He thinks:  _ I want to see this with him _ , too. And then, with a sudden realization that hits him straight in the face:  _ I want to be with him. And maybe we could, maybe I… _

_ (And the universe says: Pray that you don’t.) _

“You know” Ritsu says, and he’s suddenly there, pulling at Izumi’s braid softly. “Tsukippi looks good in a ponytail, too.” he turns to him. And Ritsu’s smiling, but it just makes Izumi feel uneasy, almost unsteady. He’s looking at him - into him, and Izumi can see Leo reflected in the red of his eyes. “How long have you been dreaming?”

  
  


Izumi wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I did get a quote out of Lionheart you can't stop me--
> 
> This chapter was like pulling teeth! I went through a big writer block, and I had to look up the dialogues from the movie because I honestly couldn't explain about the musubi by myself - I changed them a bit to fit Ritsu tho, because his role is totally made up lmao.
> 
> Anyway, my dad's starting his chemotherapy this week! I don't know when will I post the next chapter, but I'm kind of using this to cope sooo...
> 
> You know how this goes! Talk to me at @ nozomumelody, and thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

It feels like just a blink. The sunset is gone, but his vision is still full of red, Ritsu's eyes staring down at him so intensely Izumi feels shivers traveling through his skin. His own skin. Not Leo's. The thought is usually almost comforting, the knowledge that he’s his own person, that no red-haired idiot is messing with his life, but this time it makes him feel nauseous. He can't remember what Ritsu told him, what they were talking about, and his stomach is twisting and clutching as if his whole body knew something he doesn't. (It can’t, either, because it wasn't there. It was not his body — not _Sena Izumi'_ s body, but _Tsukinaga Leo’s_.)

Izumi needs exactly three seconds to notice that he’s crying.

He raises a hand to touch his cheek, finding the skin wet under his fingertips. Izumi tries to focus on his own breathing (in and out, in and out, his heartbeat running wild against his ribcage). The memories of Leo’s life are already fading away, even when Izumi tries to hold them close. His fingers grasp the sheet as he closes his eyes, taking a deep breath.

He suddenly feels desolated.

Izumi can’t shake the feeling of loneliness creeping up his spine, like a frozen hand against the nape of his neck. He reaches for his phone in search of some kind of comfort, because Leo’s notes usually do the trick. His words make him feel warm, cherished. And it’s stupid how much Leo seems to like him, taking into account that he hasn’t even talked to Izumi in person yet.

Yet.

(He lets out a sigh. Not yet. But at some point. Maybe.)

There’s a message in the screen of his phone. It’s from Naru, sent to their group chat. “I’m almost there!! I can’t wait! ♡♡♡♡”

Multiple hearts. A clear sign of a girl that’s going through her awkward age. She should grow up at some point.

Izumi’s sleepy mind takes a while to catch up, and then he lets out a gasp. What’s Naru even talking about!? He unlocks his phone, quickly finding Leo’s last note: “Amusement park tomorrow with Naru and Suou~!!!! I want to go, but if it ends being you the one who wake up in that body, GOGOGO. AND HAVE FUN FOR ONCE, SENA!!”

Izumi hates him.

He gets up with a jump, sheets flying around as he sprints to the bathroom. He’s midway to the door when he spots the black ink staining his wall, just next to the desk. A song. Of course it’s a fucking song. There are also music sheets scattered through the floor, to a point where Izumi almost can’t see his whites tiles.

Izumi growls. He’ll manage. Somehow, he’ll do it.

* * *

Izumi hates the amusement park.

He didn’t even want to come, if he’s being honest, but if he backed off in the last moment he’d have to deal with Tsukasa’s puppy eyes for the rest of the month, and that’s not something he wants to go through. So he keeps up with Naru’s energic cheers and Tsukasa’s badly hidden excitement, and does his best to stop himself from hissing at them like an angry cat.

They pull him into most of the attractions. Izumi will always deny the undignified squeal that he lets out in the roller coaster, and he definitely does _not_ pray for his life, thank you very much, even if Naru’s almost accusing stare begs to differ.

He spends most of the time thinking how much Leo would like this, which is depressing, because at some point Izumi started to sound like a lovesick teenager even to himself, but he can’t pinpoint when it happened, when did the idea of wanting to share his life with Leo (not his body, not these experiences they keep stealing from each other, but his life) nestled inside his head. It’s there nonetheless, and he’ll have to deal with it. Somehow.

Once they have tried literally most of the attractions in the park, Naru ask them to take a rest at one of the cafés.

Tsukasa seems put out by this fact, but he recovers fast once she starts to nag Izumi. Because apparently, him being late for the fourth time in a week is enough for Naru to lose all patience she could still have. So first she accuses him of being weird, and then she proceeds to drag both him and Tsukasa to one of the tables to have a little conversation about his manners, or whatever,

They end up sitting in silence for a good two minutes, because Izumi is grumpy and both Naru and Tsukasa seem pretty busy trying to decide what will they choose to poison their bodies with sugar in this cheerful evening. Izumi relocates in his chair, and the paper inside his pocket creaks at the movement. He thinks about getting it out, just to read again the melody printed in its surface, but it will raise too many questions that he doesn’t want to answer yet. 

(He literally copied the whole song before starting to scrub his wall with all his might, trying to get out all the ink before his mother saw it. Honestly, that would have been a disaster.)

“Are you sure you’re okay, Izumi-chan?” Naru asks, and he almost jumps at the sound of her voice. He might have spaced out a little there.

“Of course I am.” He scuffs, trying to recover his composure. “We had this conversation already.”

“Yes, but you have been acting rather strange, senpai.” Tsukasa intercedes, talking as if he- well, okay, he does know Izumi. But still, what a brat.

“You didn’t even say anything about inviting Makoto-chan today.” Naru pauses for a second, bright eyes examining Izumi’s face with something that borders in curiosity. Then she gasps. “That’s it! There’s someone else you like?”

It’s not like Izumi’s prone to drama, but he would have liked to have a drink already, just so he could choke with it.

“That’s stupid.” He immediately says.

“And it doesn’t explain anything about his strange behavior.” Tsukasa adds with a frown, choosing the right words for once. He knew the kid wasn’t that bad.

“Just as the brat said.”

“Senpai-“ he starts, sounding affronted, but Naru cuts in.

“It explains everything! Ah, young love makes us all a little crazy, doesn’t it?” She leans in into the table, a playful smile tugging at her lips. “Tell neechan all the juicy details, will you?”

Izumi makes a face.

“Gross.” He says, and then sighs. “It’s nothing like that. Just let it go, are you dumb or something?”

She’s not. She’s really not. Izumi can feel his palms sweaty as the words come out of his mouth, and a deep part of him knows that the battle to himself is lost. Someone said it aloud for him, leaving it in the open, a plain and simple truth that hits against his lungs and leave him breathless.

Izumi already knew, but somehow it was easier to accept it in a body that was not his, under the setting sun and surrounded by the warm love of people who didn’t knew him - not really, not at all. Naru’s voice just makes the truth heavier, a reality with a weight and implications of its own.

He’s the one who’s dumb, honestly.

* * *

He goes back home thinking about the next switch.

Izumi knows he won’t tell Leo about his conversation with Naru -even if it ended up being a short one, because you can’t just pry his truths from him. He’s as open about his feelings as a coffin.

Still, Leo won’t - can’t - hear about it. There’s nothing else to it. But he will like to know about the rest, about the photo that they took at the entrance of the park, about how Tsukasa almost threw up in the roller coaster, about how Naru won that big ass plushie of a cat and named it after him. And Izumi wants the next swap to happen soon, because then they can talk about it all - becoming Leo is a intimate way of trading experiences, words inked into his very skin, like a caress. When they turn into each other, they connect in a way that no one else can understand. It makes them special.

Izumi says goodbye to Tsukasa and Naru at his door. The first offered to take them both home in his family’s limousine, and they were tired enough to accept. Tsukasa ended up dozing off in his shoulder anyway, and once Izumi’s getting out he only relocates into Naru’s, like the spoiled child he is.

Izumi pulls out his phone again. There’s at least four texts from his mother - he grimaces at that - and another note from Leo. He didn’t notice before, probably because he was too busy trying to clean that idiot’s mess.

_The comet should be visible soon! I hope you get to see it from somewhere high - maybe the Ferris wheel?_

_If it’s you the one who’s going, you have to tell Naru and Suo~ so you can see it clearly!!!! Have fun, Sena!_

Izumi looks up at the sky. The last rays of the sun are already disappearing, dyeing the clouds in pink shades. Izumi might not watch the news every morning, but he knows damn well that there’s no comet. It would’ve been all over social media, and it sounds like a topic to be brought up in school.

Well, Leo is really an odd one, isn’t he? Izumi shakes his head, trying to get the uneasy feeling that has nestled in his chest at the words to go away. He knows nothing is wrong. And yet. In a whim, he flips through his contact list and selects Leo’s number. Back when this all madness started, he wrote the digits all over Izumi’s leg. And he tried to call him, just to scream at him for filling his skin with ink, but it never went through. 

He dials the number. There’s a long pause as the calling sound fills his ears, and then a voice:

“ _The number you tried to reach is not available or has been turned-_ ”

He sighs, pulling the phone away and hanging up the phone. Trust a town lost in the middle of nowhere to be off of range to any company, honestly. 

Izumi clicks his tongue before opening the door to his home, letting himself in. He announces his arrival out loud before heading for his room. It’s unusual that his mother doesn’t stop him midway to give him a kiss and asking if he had fun, and Izumi wonders if he made her mad somehow.

That’s something he really likes about being Leo, the fact that he doesn’t have to think twice about everything he does in fear of disappointing someone. Izumi loves his mother, he really does - she’s nice and warm and always think the best of him, but her expectations sit heavy in his shoulders. She’s also really good at making him feel bad about himself, even if she doesn’t mean it. Because honestly, nobody is good enough for his mother, so how could he be?

Izumi throws open the door to his bedroom, expecting to see Leo’s music sheet in the floor, his mess over the desk, clothes in the corner. He couldn’t clean everything in the morning, after all, too busy trying to save the song of the wall before erasing it.

What he finds is this: Nothing.

His bedroom is spotless.

Izumi feels a shiver run through his spine, and he turns in his heels immediately, walking fast towards the kitchen. The sense of dread that settles into his stomach makes him feel physically sick when his mother faces him, a small smile painted into her face.

“Where are the papers.” Izumi says without preamble, and he sounds breathless even to his own ears. Desperate. Pathetic.

She pins him in place with just a stare. His mother’s eyes has always been kind of intimidating, because she always looks… Too focused. It’s like she could see all of his flaws in a mere second, every failure, every embarrassing thought that has ever crossed his mind.

“I told you, Micchan.” His mother sighs. She walks to him, placing a hand against his cheek, fingers still cold from washing the plates. It has nothing to do with the shiver that runs through him. “That if you insisted in having a messy room, I’d had to clean it myself.”

Izumi just needs a second to understand.

 _No_ , he wants to scream, you didn’t told me. You told Leo. You told Leo and he didn’t warn me, he probably thought you were joking, he-

“Mama.” Izumi repeats, and the claw of fear against his throat seems to tighten. His chest feel too tight, like it’s trying to crush his lungs. He swallows. This is wrong. It’s all wrong. “Mama, I need to know where are the papers.”

She pauses. The realization starts to show in her eyes, and her lips press against each other in a thin line just as regret starts to betray her calm facade. It’s the face of a woman who knows how much she has fucked up, and Izumi’s head becomes light, like there’s a fog of fear clouding his whole mind.

“I threw them out, Micchan.” she admits, as her hand moves to cup his face in a gesture that’s supposed to be comforting, but just feels suffocating “Just copy that songs again, yes? I could help you.”

Izumi can sense the meaningless hope leaving his body all at once, and all that’s left in its trace is a feeling of crushing defeat. For a second, he ponders the possibility of scrabbling around the trash just to look for the songs, but the thought is a passing one. They’re most likely lost anyway. Leo’s work, the melodies he earnestly worked on… just because he didn’t want to make Naru and Tsukasa wait. Because he didn’t want to get scolded. What a self-centered imbecile.

“Micchan.” his mother calls, and her voice is somehow grounding, but he can’t hear her clearly over the sound of his own doubt, over the regret and the thoughts that keep jabbing his brain in twinges of guiltiness.

She tries to put a warm arm around him, and Izumi does his best to not twitch away from the gesture. Her touch is supposed to be comforting, but it only makes his blood boil.

“I’m sorry.” she says, and it’s honestly a milestone for her. His mother doesn’t say it often. “You should have cleaned it when I told you, but I shouldn’t throw your things away like that.” Izumi doesn’t think he has force enough to answer. He wants to be - _he is_ \- angry at her, but this is his mama. He can’t throw a fit or scream at her without feeling like a terrible person after doing it. He should have cleaned - honestly? There’s only one person in the wrong here, and it’s Izumi himself. She sighs. “Do you want me to help you copy those songs again then, dear?”

Izumi shakes his head. For a second, he just wants to disappear.

* * *

He writes an apology to Leo before going to bed. He doesn’t know why, exactly - it might be kind of a dumb thing to panic over. Leo could probably write a thousand songs if he wanted. He’s that kind of genius.

And it doesn’t matter that those were the ones they were kind of working in together, right? It doesn’t matter that he lost the little scribbled hearts and Leo’s praises over some lyrics that he specially liked. They’ll change places again tomorrow, or the day after that, and it will start all over again. Izumi just have to be more careful about it this time.

Still, it doesn’t sit right with him. Work is work, and it always takes some kind of effort. Surely even geniuses mourn the loss of the wasted time.

He goes to sleep trying to shake the restless feeling that’s still wandering through his chest. The moon hangs from the sky, throwing pale rays of light over his shape. He scrutinizes the sky in search of the comet, but there’s nothing there, apart of the usual. Obviously. 

Leo is such a weirdo. Izumi will nag him for his mistake next time. He can’t wait to talk to him.

(And then, almost like the universe’s joking at his expense, they never swap places again.)

* * *

* * *

Leo wakes up.

The first thing he thinks of is: _Oh, I really wanted to go to the amusement park._ And his chest is filled with some kind of disappointment at the idea of being himself today. Leo wonders if Sena is having fun anyway, because he’s sure he’s awake by now - it might be public holiday in Tokyo, but he’s a weirdo like that. Leo finds it endearing in a strange way.

On the other hand, Sena could do almost anything and Leo would think it’s somehow cute. That’s the power of a pretty face and a _tsundere_ personality.

The feeling of yearning wakes up in his chest slowly, like a sleepy beast. Leo spends some minutes looking up at his ceiling, just thinking, picturing the scene: Naru looking all pretty in white and baby blue, Suo~ smiling widely at the idea of trying the cotton candy, Sena trying to hide how much he’s enjoying it. Leo wonders if Sena pouts. He probably does.

He really, _really_ wanted to go to the amusement park.

He didn’t want to do it without Sena, though.

(And there it is, the longing scratching at his insides, cold claws tearing him apart from his very own heart, the beast letting out a roar that sounds more like crying out - or maybe Leo’s the one who’s weeping.

He gets up, and his grandmother doesn’t even seem surprised when he announces that he’s going to Tokyo.)

Ruka is startled when she hears of his decision. Ritsu is not. He yawns, not even bothering to use a hand to cover his mouth, and then he says that there’s no way Leo’s going alone.

There’s nothing more to say after that.

* * *

The train ride is mostly silent. Ritsu falls asleep almost immediately, which gives Leo tons of time to write. He takes out one of the half-finished songs from his backpack and starts to work on it, scribbling idly as the music flows from his head to his fingers in a fluid motion. It’s easy to feel inspired when he’s thinking about finally meeting Sena, about hearing his voice, seeing him from the outside, feeling his skin _under his own hands_.

The thought makes him fidgety.

* * *

Leo’s head is surprisingly calm about his sudden decision of going in a journey to meet this mystic other-half of him. Tokyo, on the contrary, is a mess.

People keep bumping into both of them, and Ritsu ends up intermingling their fingers just to make sure that they won’t get separated by the sea of bodies that form the city’s crowd. It’s all moving - people, cars, trains - and there’s no space for singing birds or calm walks in the big avenue they are in. Itomori is nothing like this, and Leo feels a strange mixture of excitement and agitation. The bright shop signs and the buildings do little to help him orientate himself, but it doesn’t matter - he’ll find something that feels familiar, he knows. If destiny didn’t want him and Sena to meet, it wouldn’t have unite them in the first place.

He tries calling, just a small figure in the middle of an immense crowd, but the only answer he gets is a voice “ _The number you tried to reach…_ ” And he tries, again and again, but to no avail. Maybe there’s no signal in the amusement park. 

Ritsu seems like a sickly child, his skin pale and his grip weak under the sun, but he doesn’t let go of Leo’s hand as they walk, take a bus, take a train, walk some more, all of it relying in vague memories that seem more like a far off dream. He doesn’t question him once, and that kind of unyielding faith makes Leo feel unbeatable. 

He wonders, while they ride yet another subway to god-knows-where (Leo thinks that the Hibiya line should take him closer to Sena’s house), if Ritsu will like him. He hasn’t say anything about Leo’s sudden change of personality from time to time, even if Leo’s sure that Sena’s awful at pretending to be him, but it doesn’t seem like he knows what’s up either.

He can’t. After all, not even Leo’s sure about what is happening.

They keep going, not even taking a break to eat. They walk amidst Tokyo’s tall buildings, every screen in the street talking about the comet and how it’ll soon be at its closer point to earth. Ritsu makes a face when his phone sound with the notification of a message, and he growls something along the lines of “That thing that supplanted my brother thinks that he can tell me what to do, uh”. Apart from that, he keeps his expression calm and even smiles at Leo sometimes, keeping his spirits up.

And Leo knows - he’s sure of it - that it doesn’t matter how long it takes to find him. Because once he sees Sena, all will make sense, and they’ll both know with absolute certainty. That they’re missing pieces of the same puzzle. That they belong to each other. That Leo was the person inside of Sena, and Sena was the person inside of Leo. And that’s enough. That has to be enough.

Leo moves awkwardly as they wait for the next train. His feet hurt, and he’s sure that he’ll have blisters tomorrow. He’s exhausted, and Ritsu feels boneless against him, leaning all his weight against Leo. The rays of the half-light filter between the station platform roofs and the figures of the crowd, going right against Leo’s white shirt, making it look a soft shade of orange. Ritsu will feel better once it’s dark, but still, Ruka will probably get worried if they’re not home by midnight.

Stupid Tokyo is just too big.

A train pass by. Leo keeps his gaze focused in front of him, without really seeing anything. He’s lost in thought, his head full of possibilities that will never be - Ruka will probably ask him why is he disappointed, once they are back at Itomori, but it won’t matter - it _doesn’t_ matter, really. Maybe he can come back at some point, Sena’s phone have to work again at some point.

His gaze locks with someone’s for a second. His breath catches.

And then Leo’s running.

 _He_ had been there. Leo’s sure of it, for a moment there they looked at each other - those blue eyes can only belong to him. So he ignores Ritsu’s call, dodges the bodies that crowd around the train and push his way into the train. Leo doesn’t bother with apologies as he walks forward, eyes wandering from face to face in search of some familiar features. The doors close, the train starts moving. Leo is not hearing Ritsu anymore, but it doesn’t matter because. 

(Breath leaves him in a sigh. His soul says _You’re the one I’ve been looking for.)_

Sena is not looking up, gaze focused into some cards, nodding slightly as he reads. So he skipped the day at the amusement park, or maybe he’s going home already.

Leo knew it wouldn’t be the same as looking at his own body in a mirror, simply because the stimulation is external this time. And Sena is- he’s breathtaking, fair skin and mesmerising eyes. Leo has always thought of them as blue, but it might have been wrong. It’s the color of the deep ocean in a sunny day. Aquamarine, maybe. He could only define them in a melody, and maybe he will one day, maybe he’ll try to put into music the words that fail him.

His face is the kind that can stop someone in their tracks, and Leo has been inside his body enough to know that it does, that Sena’s used to people making an unnatural pause and taking him in the first time they look at him. 

Leo’s not nervous when he calls out to him, expecting those eyes to turn to him and light up with recognition. Something inside of him is singing his name, almost like a litany Sena, Sena, Sena.

He looks up. For the first time, their eyes meet.

There’s no a hint of remembrance in Sena’s gaze.

Leo’s mouth open. Closes again. He’s waiting for Sena to really understand, because there’s no way that he’s not feeling the tugging at his very being, the force pulling them together. 

“Excuse me” Sena says, and his voice is different from the outside too - _why_ does he sound so good. It’s unfair, the way Leo’s heart twitches and trembles. “But I don’t sign anything outside my working hours. My contract doesn’t allow it.”

He doesn’t know him. He doesn’t remember Leo. 

He’s not sure about the feeling that floods his whole chest, making his knees weaken and his eyes sting, but it’s breaking him from the inside.

He shouldn’t have come in the first place.

The train comes to a sudden stop, and the doors open with a loud whistle. Leo lets the pushing bodies drive him away from his spot, almost in a trance. His mind feels foggy, and for a second he just can think about how much he wishes to disappear, to wake up in his own bed -never again in Sena’s, not when he’s this- this dumb boy who keeps going through his own life as if Leo’s presence in it doesn’t mean anything, as if what they share isn’t special.

It just needs a second. The commuters are streaming out of the train, pushing Leo away, and every sound seems to have disappeared - the world is dull and gray, musicless. 

And then there’s a voice.

“Hey! Wait a second, you-“ Sena’s hand is reaching out to him between the bodies, and Leo turns to him. A person slams against his shoulder, making him recede a little further away, and there’s little he can do to keep himself planted into the ground. It doesn’t matter anyway. It shouldn’t. “Who are you, exactly?”

Sena has to stand on his tiptoes to keep looking at him between the passengers, but his eyes meet Leo’s again and he seems almost- almost desperate. It lights a hope in Leo’s chest.

Acting mostly in instinct, Leo grabs the braided cord tying his ponytail and unwraps it. Sena still has a hand extended towards him, and so Leo reaches for him - he doesn’t even get to touch his skin, but he shoves the cord into his open palm before letting himself be pushed again by the crowd. He meets Sena’s eyes for just another second, already out of the car, and then there’s a smile painted into Leo’s face - as big as he can manage with an aching heart.

“Stupid!” He says, sticking out his tongue at him. Sena seems immediately affronted, and that’s enough to make Leo laugh for real. “Leo! The name’s Leo!”

The doors close.

And then he’s gone, just like that.

* * *

Leo goes back to Itomori.

Ritsu is mildly pissed at him for letting him all alone in the middle of Tokyo, but he doesn’t say anything out loud, maybe because Leo’s heartbroken expression is enough to keep his mouth shut.

Ritsu, always the overprotective friend, promises to draw blood from whoever hurt him, and Leo has to smile at that. 

They don’t immediately go to the festival the next night. They sit in the Tsukinaga’s old porch, listening to the fireworks go off in the distance. Leo's home now, Ruka nestled against his arms and Ritsu snoring lightly into his ear. And he is happy that it's all over, really. All is well.

(The void in his chest throb with a dull kind of ache, like a sad melody flowing through his veins. He takes a shaky breath.

He doesn’t miss Sena. Except because he does.)

Ritsu finally leaves with Isara, and Ruka goes to get ready. Leo is left alone, eyes locked into the beautiful night sky. The comet is brighter than the moon, its trail shining across the dark of the firmament. It splits. Leo doesn’t think anything of it.

The last thing he thinks about is Sena, eyes curious -and there was a glint of something there, maybe not recognition but interest. His hand has been extended out to Leo, and maybe he could have taken it. Laced their fingers together. It would have been the beginning of a new journey.

_Who are you?_

The star goes down.

Then, there’s nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was such a b*tch, please be kind to me ;;
> 
> Also!! Thank Mare, because the first paragraph is mostly hers. She saved me from a terrible block.


	5. Chapter 5

Izumi goes on with his life.

It’s not as hard as it seems, or at least he likes to think so. He falls back into his own routine with ease. Wakes up, takes a train to high school, another one to his job, goes back home, does homework, sleeps. Sometimes he takes some time off to hang with Naru and Tsukasa, but it’s not an usual occurrence.

If he tries to call Leo at least three times a day during the first week, no one is there to tell.

He never noticed how slow time can be. The months of switches were fast and exciting, a hammer against the monotony of his life. And he keeps thinking about how messy it was, how annoying, how taxing to his body - the stress added to Leo’s habit of eating whatever he wanted was not a good mix. And Izumi wishes that at some point he’ll be able to fool himself into believing that he hated it.

The months go by. Izumi walks through Tokyo and misses a mountain village he has never known, not really. He longs for the smell of the forest, for the clear breeze, for the skies full of stars. And Tokyo seems dull and ugly in comparison to this oniric place.

Nobody ever thinks about what happens once the story’s over, once the book is closed and the hero has to go back to their life, leave the adventures and the fairy tales behind them to meet the crushing weight of reality head on.

He’s dealing great with it. For real. Even if sometimes he feels like a guitar’s string close to breaking. Even if he misses Leo so much it hurts, a constant sense of pressure against his ribs, squeezing his lungs and making it hard to breathe. This is how it feels to be an adult, and Izumi’s done with being a child waiting for a miracle to happen.

Still, he stays up every single night, wishing with all his might…

...but he always wakes up as himself.

Sometimes he tries to convince himself that it was a dream. The leaves are changing colors, the cold starts to bite at his skin every time he dares to go out, and it would be terribly easy to leave it all behind: Itomori, the magic, the warmth, the effortless smiles, the green eyes and the black words marking his skin like a gentle caress.

Memories get blurry and diffuse, until he can’t remember their faces - not Mao’s, not Ritsu’s and definitely not Ruka’s, even if he thinks she had round features and bright eyes and pink lips. But he never forgets Leo. And Izumi clutches his phone, looking at the notes he left behind before disappearing into his blissful provincial life. They’re what he has of him now, the only reason he can make Leo’s name resurface in his memory when it’s fading away.

He wants to move on. Almost three months after the last switch, Izumi crumples the song - the only he has left, the one he copied before that terrible day in the amusement park - and throw it into his bin. And he spends most of the night looking at his ceiling, trying to stop thinking about it, until all he can do is admitting his defeat.

He wastes most of the next day trying to flatten the wrinkles. And when he’s done, Izumi hums the melody to himself. He thinks of Leo, of the aching hole in the center of his chest, of how easy is to feel alone in the crowded streets of Tokyo.

And just like that, he takes a simple decision.

* * *

Izumi can’t believe his eyes.

“What” he starts, very slowly, as if he’s talking to two five years old. He might as well be. “are you doing here?”

Naru’s smile is almost blinding. She twirls in her place, showing her whole outfit to Izumi - a violet hoodie that’s obviously new contrasting with a pair of well-worn jeans and trekking boots. Tsukasa, at least, has the decency to look mildly embarrassed.

“What does it look like?” Naru asks, sticking her tongue out at him. “We are coming with you!”

_What. The everloving. Fuck._

* * *

“It was _so_ easy to understand.” Izumi hisses, trying to keep his tone down to avoid bothering the rest of the passengers in the bullet train, most of them business men in suits. “I asked you to cover for me at work. Where exactly did you hear the phrase “please, be a bother and come with me”?”

Naru has the audacity to chuckle. Tsukasa sighs.

“Izumi-chan, you don’t have to worry! Nee-chan has your back.” She winks at him (disgusting) and then gets her phone out. While she fidgets with it, Tsukasa leans in the back seat, getting his head between them.

“We were worried, Sena-senpai.” He says, and there’s a frown adorning his face. “You…”

“Don’t worry, Sena! Justice will prevail against any hardship!”

Izumi jumps in his seat at the voice. _That_ stupid voice. He glares at the human-shaped puppy showing in Naru’s phone, and then at her.

“Please” he says, and this has to be the closest he’s ever been to begging “tell me you didn’t leave _Morisawa_ in charge of my-“

“Of course I didn’t!” Naru cuts him, obviously offended by the accusation. There’s a pause, during which Izumi keeps pointely looking at her. “...I asked Hakaze-senpai. Obviously.”

Izumi bumps his head against the front seat.

“Don’t worry, Sena!” Morisawa’s voice fills his ears again, and Izumi worries even more, just out of spite. “That girl you work with is helping him, so there won’t be any problem! And I’m here in case Hakaze chickens out!” Izumi is still not looking at him, but he’s at least eighty percent sure that he’s making that stupid hero pose of his. “I won’t withdraw from any battle when a friend is in trouble!” Make that a ninety percent.

Izumi takes a few seconds to ponder what Morisawa just said, and then he raises his head to look at him. There’s always a special kind of fire in his eyes, and Izumi’s allergic to the smoke. 

“Koi’s helping him?” Morisawa energetically nods, and Izumi has to do his best to stop himself from smiling. Kao-kun is probably living through hell in earth, if that witch’s in charge of getting him into shape. She has been working with Izumi for a long time now, so Koi’s accustomed to the best of the best. “Okay.” He says. “If you two morons get me fired, I’ll strangle you.”

Morisawa shows him a thumbs-up, and then his image disappears from the screen. Izumi lets himself fall against the back of his seat with a sigh full of resignation. Tsukasa’s head is still popping up between them, in which is possibly the worst infraction of a social norm he’s ever committed.

“If you didn’t resort to such dangerous, _inappropriate_ methods to meet some possible partner, Sena-senpai…”

“What.” Izumi asks. It’s apparently the word of the month, because he has said it at least ten times in less than an hour. 

“Well, it wouldn’t be chivalrous of us to let you go alone to see a person you met over the _website_.” Tsukasa says, like it’s obvious. Izumi is throwing daggers at Naru with his eyes. She seems to get the message, but doesn’t look regretful in the slightest.

“You said you were going in a journey to meet a friend. In the countryside” She shrugs. “You hate horses, cows, mosquitos, sweating and inns without a good wifi. What else could it be but a boy, Izumi-chan?”

Yes. What else could it be?

Izumi ponders the option of throwing himself off the moving train.

* * *

The thing about getting out of town with nothing but the blurry memory of a village and some lousy facts about it is that it’s easier to do it when there’s no one to judge you for it.

“Allow me to get this straight.” Tsukasa says (Naru adds a “because he’s definitely not” in the background, and Izumi wants to smack her head. He can hear her mutter “really, what a romantic gesture. Kind of idiotic, but romantic.” But Tsukasa is still talking, and he’s taking all his attention.) “You only know that this place is near a meteoric lake,has only one line of train and an ancient _tradition_ of making braided cords and kuchikamisake.”

Izumi nods.

“This is _madness_ , senpai.”

“Remind me again who asked you to come, brat?” Izumi shoots him his best furious glance over the map he’s holding, and Tsukasa takes in an affronted breath. 

“Worst vacation in the world!” Naru says, taking out her phone to look at herself in the reflection of the locked screen. Izumi sighs.

“This is not a vacation!” 

She hums.

“Would you two like a selfie now, or should I wait until we reach the mountains?”

Izumi throws his map at her. 

* * *

Izumi has a plan. It is not great, it might not even be _decent_ , but it’s the best he has. Leo’s village was in a direct train line from Tokyo, and that’s not much, but it has to be enough. He’s been investigating for the last week, finding a spot that seems to be close enough to the scenery in his memory. He’ll ask the locals about the little he remembers while he slowly moves along the local line, and if there’s a god that really brought them together, he better be in Izumi’s favor. 

He won’t give up anyway. If he can’t find Leo this weekend, he’ll just keep trying. 

He still doesn’t know why the swapping started, so he can’t understand why it stopped. Something might have happened to Leo. Maybe all his jumping around finally paid up and he cracked his head open against the stairs. Maybe he had an accident. 

Maybe he got tired of Izumi, and somehow the universe listened to him. If it follows orders, they probably come from geniuses like him. 

Whatever the cause is, Izumi wants to discover it. He needs some kind of closure. The music sheet with his last song feels heavy in his pocket, a constant reminder that everything was real. He keeps it in his jacket, along the phone with their diary entries, just over his heart. He’s not going crazy. Leo is out there. Maybe worried. Definitely waiting.

Izumi just has to find him.

* * *

“So, when will we go home?”

It’s been a whole day. At least twenty five hours. Izumi lets his head fall against the back of his bus seat, letting out a sigh at Arashi’s question.

Truth is, he doesn’t feel confident in finding Leo’s town anymore. They have asked everyone they have come across, from police to random pedestrians, and the results could be summed up in weird stares and negatives. The first inn they stayed in was old and dirty and Izumi will have nightmares with the moss growing in the bathroom for at least five years, so it’s all adding up and taking a toll on them. 

He can’t blame Tsukasa and Naru for being tired. Her new boots made blisters bloom in her feet, Izumi knows, but it’s the first time she has voiced something akin to a complain. He should probably be nice to her.

“I didn’t ask you to come.” He grunts. Well. So much for being nice. “You can leave anytime.”

Naru falls silent. Izumi thought Tsukasa was sleeping against the window, but he lifts up his head to look at him then, without any sign of drowsiness. 

“We are not surrendering until you do, Sena-senpai.” He says, tone solemn and all, like a knight from the old. Like he’s swearing eternal loyalty to Izumi, instead of offering some help. “Don’t worry, you will not be alone.”

Izumi doesn’t know why, but some of the tension that has been accumulating evaporates. He sighs.

“Whatever. Do what you want.”

* * *

Izumi doesn’t know how to explain to them how important this is.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to go back home. The countryside is still annoying and tiring. The two of them keep taking photos and buying souvenirs and trying different kind of foods, as if this is some kind of vacation, and that pisses him off too. Most of the time.

(Sometimes, their smiles get to him, and Izumi finds himself letting Naru take a picture, or accepting the matching keychains she gets them of one of the village’s mascot. It’s never for long, but it helps him get his mind off the doubts that keep growing in the back of his head, little daggers through his confidence.

They would have enjoyed this weekend a lot more if Leo was the one in his body. Izumi wonders if they miss him too, even without realizing it. They probably do. It’s terribly easy to love Leo.)

No, it’s not like he doesn’t miss Tokyo.

But Izumi knows another home now. A home in the skin of a person he has never touched.

* * *

Tsukasa keeps searching in the internet for any clue, whenever they have enough time for it.

Izumi lets him, even if he knows it’s a fruitless labor. He repeats the same answers to all his questions over and over again, just because he knows that Tsukasa hates waiting around for something to happen. So it doesn’t surprise him when he fishes his phone out his pocket once they seat in a restaurant.

Case on point.

“So, Sena-senpai” he starts, once they have placed their respective orders. It’s a ramen shop. A stupid ramen shop, probably the only restaurant in a few miles. Izumi hates ramen, but he’s not going to starve, thank you very much, it’d be unhealthy and it’s difficult to recover from a faint. “Do you remember if this...braided cords you mentioned have some kind of significant name? A traditional one, perhaps?”

Izumi rolls his eyes.

“They are braided cords, Kasa-kun. That’s all.”

Tsukasa seems close to pouting. He keeps scrolling through the same results in his phone. His expression is akin to a child who has been robbed of his last piece of candy. Which is not that far off from the truth, because this restaurant doesn’t have any good dessert. Tsukasa asked.

Izumi’s still trying very hard to keep on hoping, but it’s becoming obvious that he’ll go back to Tokyo without any news about Leo. Apparently, their supernatural link only works to fuck up their lives. Trust it to be of any help in his search.

The waiter comes back with their orders, and Arashi shoots her a charming smile. Those will get her to places, because everyone warms up to her instantaneously after being the target for a second.

They have asked so much times already, always receiving the same answer, that Izumi is waiting for the old lady to shake her head and wish them luck. It’s startling when she lets out a hum, followed by a sound of recognition. Izumi gets up in his chair immediately, like he’s been pinched.

“That would be old Itomori, wouldn’t it?” She looks at their expectant expressions, and almost looks taken aback by the intensity of it. However, she goes on. “My mother was from there. It’s weird to hear someone talking about it nowadays.”

“Where is it?” Izumi asks, leaning in to be closer to her, as if that could take him closer to Leo too. Arashi puts a hand over his, and he doesn’t fully understand why.

(He’ll realize later, how sad the waiter’s smile actually is.)

“It’s not far.” She pauses for a second, lost in thought, and then. “Would you like me to take you?”

Izumi has never nodded faster. 

* * *

Arashi and Tsukasa are speechless for a while. They only start talking again once they’re in the back of the old lady’s car.

“Sena-senpai, Itomori? That can’t be right, isn’t that where…?”

“Yes! That’s the town of the comet, right?”

A shadow grows in Izumi’s head, overtaking the light of hope that was filling the hole in his chest left behind by Leo’s disappearance. He breathes in, slowly.

He doesn’t want to hear them.

* * *

But one can not ignore the crushing weight of reality.

Izumi searches in his phone while they’re traveling to Itomori, of course, and the results leave him breathless and slightly trembling, but he doesn’t want to believe it. He won’t. He was there just a few months ago, after all, and he remember clearly - the outline of the far mountains against the sky, the singing of the birds, the light sparkling against the lake. It was a place out of the old folktale. Something oniric, something precious.

But now?

Now there’s nothing.

This is what the internet says:

Two years ago, the comet Tiamat reached its closest point to Earth. Its orbital period of almost two hundred years made it a world-known phenomenon. It was supposed to be closer than the moon - seventy-five thousands miles from their planet. The tail of the shining blue comet would cross the night sky for the first time in two centuries, and humanity held its breath at the idea. They called it beautiful. They waited for it, announced it in all the news. It was supposed to be something special, something to remember.

And it was. For the wrong reasons.

The scientific community said that the possibility of it splitting was ridiculous, not even a one percent. No one expected it until the moment it was happening - and then it was too late.

Itomori is the place of the worst meteor impact known to humanity.

Just the south part of the town was saved - maybe a hundred people who moved out, chased away by the destruction and the memories.

And this is what Izumi sees:

Itomori has been swallowed up by the lake. They’re standing in the grounds of the abandoned high school, moss growing in the old stone, windows broken. The ruins of places he grow to know once are below them- and he remembers some of them, the old pub Ruka hated so much, the library, Nazuna’s house - oh, _god_ , Nazuna’s house.

There’s nothing left of Leo’s. Or Ritsu’s. Or Mao’s. The buildings are gone.

They’re gone.

Izumi has his arms crossed against his chest, as if the gesture could hold him together. He can hear Naru and Tsukasa talking in the background - they are saying something about how close they were to find something, just for it to be a mistake. Their words sound like a buzz for Izumi. He’s busy contemplating what’s left of the disaster.

The disaster where, two years ago, hundreds lost their lives. 

It hits him like a bucket of cold water. Like a punch to his chest.

He’s dead.

Leo’s dead.

“He…” the word comes as a whisper out of his mouth, and Izumi turns to look at Arashi and Tsukasa, but ends up with his eyes lost in the distance, in the skyline he barely remembers, in the place that was another home once. Ruka’s soft voice. Ritsu’s teasing. Leo. Leo, Leo, _Leo_. “...he died.”

But that can’t be possible, Izumi thinks. It can’t, because he was there so little time ago. He spent whole days with all of them, he walked down Itomori’s streets, talked with its citizens. He did. 

He still has Leo’s diary entries-

Izumi gets out his phone almost in a trance, slowly unlocking it. He feels like a violent movement could break it, slice the last threads tangling him with Leo. He opens the app, a flame of hope flickering weakly in his chest at the sight of his words, full of energy and warmth and _life_ -

And that’s when they start to fade.

One text, then another, the words in the titles start to switch into random symbols, meaning lost forever. The entries disappear at an alarming rate, and when Izumi presses one with his finger it’s too late - that’s gone too. Just like the songs his mother trashed. Just like the memories in his head keep fading out. Leo’s existence is getting erased of his life little by little, and Izumi can just wait for it to be over.

The hole in his chest stir and shift, threatening with devouring him. He can’t think, everything muted by the overbearing beating of his own heart. And he can sense it, starting on his fingertips and spreading through his skin like a cold kind of fire, the impending feeling of dread that fills his whole body, denying him of oxygen, of strength, of anything that isn’t the idea of how he saw the comet. He looked at it with Naru and Tsukasa from the latter rooftop, and Izumi thought it was beautiful. He called it astounding. Breathtaking.

How could anything be called that now, when he can still remember Leo’s face.

“Izumi-chan” Arashi says, and her voice is somehow grounding, even when he can’t hear her clearly over the sound of his own blood pumping in his ears. “Izumi-chan, you have to be wrong.” And she hands him her phone, a title in the top of the website she’s in.

 _Itomori comet disaster,_ it reads, _List of victims._

Izumi almost rips it off her hold, scrolling down as fast as he can. Soon there’s a warm arm around him, and Izumi finds himself leaning into it in search of comfort. His knees feel weak.

_Isara, Mao (16)_

_Sakuma, Ritsu (17)_

The air feels thinner. Izumi can’t breathe through the lump in his throat, and Tsukasa calls his name when he puts a hand against his mouth to stifle a sob. 

_Tsukinaga, Leo (17)_

_Tsukinaga, Ruka (13)_

“Izumi-chan?” Naru says, her voice insecure. For some reason, she seems to be close to tears too.

“It can’t be.” His voice sounds broken even to his own ears, and Izumi pushes her, steps away from the two of them. He doesn’t know where the waiter is - he doesn’t care either. He’s waiting to open his eyes and wake up as Leo, because all of this is a nightmare. It has to be. “He was alive a few weeks ago. You saw him! He...” But Izumi’s only met with confused eyes and worried expressions. And of course, of course they can’t remember. Of course they didn’t notice. This is crazy. _Izumi_ is crazy. His voice comes out of a whisper. “He wanted us to see the comet.”

That’s when Izumi’s legs fail him. He falls to his knees like a lost child, small and desperate, and he doesn’t know when did he start crying but he is now, tears streaming down his face as a glacial calm falls upon him, the excruciating certainty that there’s no mistake. This is the world he lives in, and it’s one without Leo.

Izumi takes in a deep breath, or at least he tries to. Soon, it’ll be twilight. The last rays of the sun are shining against the water.

_Tsukippi looks good in a ponytail, too._

And he’s not staring at the sunset, but at a pair of red eyes that look into his very soul, far beyond the body he’s in. And he’s confused, so scared, but- _How long have you been dreaming?_

(Maybe he was. Maybe all of it was a dream.)

A crippling sound comes out his pocket. Izumi raises a hand to his chest and palm the paper through his jacket. He can hear the distant memory of a song inside his head.

(And the thing is- maybe it was never real to begin with.

But he remembers the messages marked in his skin, the feeling blossoming into his chest, Ritsu’s lazy smiles, Ruka’s hugs. And if it was not real? Then nothing is.)

Izumi looks up and far away, not really seeing either Naru or Tsukasa, but something else. Something hiding at the top of the mountain.

For some reason, the fingers of his right hand reach for his left wrist, touching the cord he wears sometimes - Izumi can’t even remember where he got it, but Leo used to wear it whenever he was in his body. He said it made him feel calmer, because it kind of looked like his. It reminded him of home.

_The cords come together, sometimes they come undone or break off, but then they end up reuniting._

Izumi takes in a deep breath. He thinks of Leo. Of a boy he has never really known in a town that no longer exists, laughing along people who are gone. And if there’s someone worth fighting for even against the universe itself, it has to be him.

_That’s time. And that’s musubi._

That’s the last time he doubts their bond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I’m back! And the chapters keep getting harder to write, please help me. At this point I don’t know what I’m doing and I don’t even like that much how they’re coming out but I’M. TRYING MY BEST HERE.
> 
> (Thank you so much for all your support, it keeps me going!!)
> 
> Also, I don’t know if I’ll be able to update before enstars!! And music come out, so. How are you guys feeling. I hope you get your fave in the first pull! 
> 
> (I’ll shut up now but: I might edit the first...three chapters or so? I know is stupid, but I’m getting bolder with my english and I think I can do better now!! Nothing big will change tho, just. Little things. Little scenes. I don’t know.)


	6. Chapter 6

Izumi knows that neither Naru nor Tsukasa would let him go on his own, so he waits.

He waits, and lets Naru hold his hand - more for her sake than his, honestly - and waits a little more, and keeps waiting until they go back to the inn, until they change and Tsukasa asks him if he’s feeling fine in a low, strained voice.

His friends probably think that he has lost it.

He might have.

But that suspicion is not enough to dissuade him. Izumi bears with Naru and Tsukasa’s gentle words and cautious glances, promises them that it was probably a mistake - even if his voice is still too tense to come off as sincere. He has never been a good liar when he’s shaken by the situation.

They insist in sleeping with him, so Izumi lets them, if only to shut them up. It probably normal to be concerned about your friend’s well being if they start talking like the main character in _The Lake House_. It’s not like the new sleeping arrangement can affect his plan at all, because he’s sure they won’t be surprised if he’s the first one to wake up - Izumi has never been good at sharing a bathroom, and they have been with him enough to know that.

He doesn’t dream at all that night, and when his eyes open is to an almost completely dark room. His alarm hasn’t even go off yet - half an hour to sunrise then. Naru and Tsukasa are sleeping soundly, one at his right and the other at his left. Tsukasa stirs a little when Izumi sits up, but he doesn’t wake up.

There’s a solemn atmosphere around him, and it feels as if the whole universe is holding its breath, waiting for what’s to come. That unsettles him to no end, but at the same time steels his resolve. Izumi is sure that whatever he’s doing, it’s the right thing.

He gets dressed in silence. Checks his phone - the diary entries are still gone. Izumi takes a deep breath, caress the cord at his wrist, folds the page with the song into his pocket again - and then he opens the door to the hallway.

Izumi looks over his shoulder at the sleeping forms of Naru and Tsukasa one last time. They’re both turned onto their sides now, facing each other - exactly the place where Izumi should still be. 

They’re good friends, he thinks. The best he could ask for. And they’ll be worried in the morning, but still-

Izumi has always been good at prioritizing. And _this_ -whatever the crazy situation he’s in is - is more important. 

Izumi takes his phone out his pocket and press the call button. He closes the door behind him. The note over the table shakes at the movement.

_I still need to check a place. I’ll come back later, but you two should go back to Tokyo._

_Thank you for coming with me._

* * *

“I still can pay you.” Izumi says, raising his eyebrows. The waiter lets out a loud laugh that makes him flinch in his place, surprised. 

“I offered the second you appeared, right?” 

Izumi relocates in his place. He feels awkward under the scrutiny of those deep blue eyes of hers.

He doesn’t get it. He’s just a stranger to this woman, it hasn’t even been twenty four hours since they met, and the only reason he called her in the early hours of the morning was because he couldn’t think of anyone else to take him to zone around old Itomori. Izumi offered her a good amount of money in exchange for the ride, but she immediately declined.

“You know…” she looks up, to the top of the mountain he’s heading to - as if she could really catch sight of something amidst the mist. As if she could see the body of the old god. “If anything happens, you call me, okay? I’ll come back and get you.” She glances at Izumi then, and smiles. It’s warm. Motherly, even. “Do you still have that lunch box I gave you earlier?”

Izumi nods. Is heavy on his backpack, and he feels like a kid off to a field trip. He doesn’t know how to repay this level of kindness, because it almost seem fishy - he can’t think of anyone that would give this much without asking for something in return. But she’s looking at him in this nostalgic kind of way, eyes lost in the features of his face, and it’s fond yet so terribly sad that it makes the still raw ache in his chest shift. Izumi can’t get any words off his still dry throat, so he just whispers a “Thank you” under his breath. It comes out full of sincerity.

She pats him in the arm once, then twice. Her touch is firm and gentle, almost grounding in the middle of the storm of his feelings.

The road to the mountain has been full of half ruined houses covered in moss and fences preventing the entrance to the shore of the new lake, the one that was formed after the comet fell. The vibrant yellow of the warning signs felt like a punch to Izumi’s eyes, as did the telephone poles sticking out of the water, constant reminders of a town that is no more, erased from the map by a star.

Izumi read that they couldn’t find all the bodies after the catastrophe. He has looked at the clear water of the lake the whole time, irremediably wondering.

It has made Izumi almost physically ill, and he can’t even imagine how it has to feel for this woman. He knows how selfish is of him to ask her to come here, to remember all of it-

“You know” she says, and her voice breaks his line of thought with ease. Izumi tenses. “I have a kid. He’s around your age. Used to love going to his grandma’s in summer to look at the stars.” there’s a heavy pause, and Izumi feels a lump in his throat. He tries to say something, anything, but she’s turning away before he can find the words. “Had a boyfriend there and everything. He never got to say goodbye.” She looks at him again, just for a second, before entering her old car. There's still a smile playing at the edge of her lips, but it’s sad again. “Get your closure, kid. And then come back. You can trade your friends to some ramen, right?”

-or maybe she never stopped thinking about it in the first place. This is the kind of disaster that haunts forever the mind of those who lived it, who lost someone to the impact and the rocks and the flames.

Izumi nods again. A sudden gust of wind make the trees around them start to rustle, branches shaking.

* * *

Izumi doesn’t remember much about the hike he did once upon a dream. It was not his body, and apparently not even his timeline, so he replaces memory with his phone’s GPS and wishes for the best.

He doesn’t know how much time it passes. The raindrops grow in frequence and size, and he pulls his hood up. It’s getting colder by the second too, and the height he’s in do nothing to help with the falling temperature. Izumi thinks about stopping a few times, about going back, calling the nice waiter and let her take him back to his friends, but he keeps walking nonetheless, grabbing branches and using rocks as a supporting point when necessary. 

He’s being spurred by the overwhelming force of his own feelings, of the longing clawing at his chest, of the knowledge that he misses him - and the realization that he can’t remember his name now make tears bloom into the corner of his eyes - so much it hurts.

He should stop and eat something, but at this point he’s afraid he’ll completely forget why has he come to the mountain in the first place. _Who are you?_ He asks to the green eyes graved into his mind, and it feels like a déjà vu. _Who are you?_

The weather is inclement, wind and rain whipping at his face. Izumi almost loses foot twice, but he manages against the slippery mud.

The hike is longer than he remembers it, stretched by the storm and his lack of stamina in comparison to _his_. He knows the company made it easier too, even if the names and face features evade his mind. Everything feels harder when you're alone, he supposes. 

At some point, the trees start to disappear. And where he could see a town once, almost hidden behind the clouds, now there are only two twin lakes. Izumi wants to throw up at the image.

Then he catches sight the crater, and the tree in the middle. He reaches the top of the mountain, and air leaves him in a relieved sigh. Because it’s here. Because it wasn’t a dream. And if the god’s shrine is here…

Then so is _him_.

Izumi almost breaks into a run, jumping into what was once a little stream - now bigger and profounder, the stepping stones lost in its depths. He remembers what was told to him once, the words blurred by his failing memory. _The edge to the other side._ The water comes to almost his chest in the deepest zone, and for a second Izumi feels as if it could swallow him whole any second from now, the atmosphere closing around him and making it harder to breathe. He crosses with a sheer kind of fear pressing against his throat and the written song held over his head to keep it from getting wet.

He’s going to the other shore to bring someone back, breaking the utter silence that preceded his appearance with ragged breaths and the sound of the water splashing around him. And Izumi still doesn’t know if he’s welcome.

For the first time, he contemplates the option of not being able to go back. There’s no one here to guide him this time, after all.

Well, he thinks. If the god want him gone, they’ll have to tell him themselves.

Izumi doesn’t remember much about the shrine - there’s a space between the roots, and it goes to the little space where they left their offerings. The braided cord around his wrist feels like the only part of his body that’s still warm, and Izumi presses his other hand around it as he goes forward, illuminated by the phone that he holds with shaking fingers.

Izumi kneels before the little altar, and he feels small - a part of something immense, something too big for him to understand. He’s in the entrails of the world, praying to an old god to bring back a boy that’s no longer here, and tears prickle in his eyes when he leaves the phone in the ground to hold the container.

This was _his_. It was half of that boy’s soul. That, Izumi remembers.

(And how could he forget - evening sun against red hair, the raw feeling of want, of yearning, of _adoration_.)

This _is_ his.

Izumi opens the little ceramic bottle. The strong smell of alcohol hits against his face, and his nose wrinkles with disgust at it. 

Izumi failed at braiding cords so many times, in those dreams of his - those dreams of another life, a life that was not his to enjoy but felt undeniably right. And he knows how many times they can come undone, how difficult yet rewarding is to make them reunite under his fingers. 

And if that’s time - if that’s _musubi_ …

Izumi just needs another chance. Just one more.

He’ll get it right this time.

 _We’ve never met._ Izumi thinks, as he brings the urn to his lips. _But I’m coming back to you_ , he wishes, and drinks. The gulp of sake feels like fire in its way down his stomach, throat burning and fingers tingling at the sensation. The heat travels through his whole body, making him feel slightly dizzy.

For a few seconds, nothing happens. Izumi looks around him, at the old walls carved in the earth, the moss in the altar, the dull blue of his wet jacket. He waits for something, even if he’s not sure exactly what - the image of an old god, or some groundbreaking experience of the like, but the absolute silence around him is the only answer he gets.

Izumi tries not to cry, even though it’s becoming hard to keep in the tears. The exhaustion has yet to catch up to his body, but he feels worn out already.

Of course it wouldn’t work. Of course it wouldn’t. This is just a slap of reality straight to his face. Fairy tales don’t exist, and even if they did, they wouldn’t be reserved to people like him.

Izumi stands, disappointed and desperate. It's done. His last hope is lost now, and he can only accept the bruising truth.

(His vision abruptly spins, and he stumbles back. For a second, it almost feels as if he's floating. And then Izumi's falling.

And falling.

And falling.)

He doesn’t remember when does his head hit the ground.

* * *

It feels like falling and it feels like raising, and it feels like learning to love someone he has already fallen for all over again. 

Colors explode, filling his whole skyline of shades he could never describe with words, like an impressionist painting made by a bored deity, and Izumi’s head is suddenly too full with knowledge that it should not be there - he sees a comet, and its tail connects with him, his heart, chest, the wrist where he’s been wearing the braided cord. And then the star is splitting, a lake forming, a new village blooming around it, and ages pass as seconds as he watches, a pasive spectator of history. 

And the thread connecting him with the comet and the lake and the town twirls around his shape - and does he have one, still? Is he Izumi, or just some formless entity made of colors and energy and regrets? - and makes him turn, its tones blurring, fading away, transforming into something new, into an umbilical cord being cut with a grotesque sound.

There’s a woman’s voice then, coming from everywhere, anywhere, nowhere. Izumi doesn’t recognize her, but he feels his eyes burn with unshed tears all the same, his whole being filled by a bone-deep sorrow.

“Leo” she whispers, and the name feels like a caress against Izumi’s soul. “Leo is a good name, right, dear?”

Izumi doesn’t know when the first tear fall down his cheek, but it somehow gives him shape - this feeling of grief weighting in his chest for a woman he never knew, for a boy he’s grown to love.

He sees Leo growing up. Watches him gain a sister and lose a mother. Observes a child too little to know so much pain held his little sister’s hand, gaze focused in the back of his father.

And then the same back, against the light of the sun, the front door open and voice severe. “I loved her, not your tales and traditions.” and an old woman screams back, but Izumi’s too busy looking at the tears streaming down Leo’s face, a fake smile painted into his lips as he tries to calm Ruka’s sobs.

He sees that gesture become more credible with time, until not even Leo himself is sure of when it’s the real thing.

Sees him write in a dark room, melodies filling his head. Sees him laughing with Madara until he can’t breath. Sees him miss a mother and a friend and better times. Sees him looking at Ritsu and Isara, a calm piano song resonating into his mind at the sight. Sees him losing and losing and losing in the old town of Itomori, where background music go to die in the dullness of routinary life and mean whispers, and still somehow being able to keep up wishing and believing and becoming brighter by the day, even when life keeps staining him.

Izumi keeps being helplessly pulled by the force of the string around him, and he can’t close his eyes to it all - even when all the information seems close to choke him, even when he feels like he’s going to be drowned in colors and memories in this infinite surreality. And he sees the switches, feels them from Leo's point of view - how colorful and different the city is, how exciting is for him to live Izumi's life, how much he enjoys it all, how much he loves Naru and Tsukasa.

How much he loves Izumi himself, too. Scribbled hearts in music sheets, melodies painted into his body, room, his very own life, conversations exchanged between two completely strangers becoming teasing and fun and _electrifying._

He sees Leo go to Tokyo.

Izumi can’t breathe.

_Who are you?_

“Leo” he calls. And then louder, as if he could hear him, as if he could stop what’s to come. “Leo, Leo, Leo.”

He goes back to Itomori, another lost in his list. Izumi keeps screaming, calling out to him until his throat feels raw and sore, but it doesn’t matter how much he tries. Because Leo is still looking at the sky when the comet breaks, and he thinks _It’s beautiful_ as it falls to the Earth. To him.

The world loses a star.

And the colors fade.

For a few seconds, there’s only white. Izumi closes his eyes, lost in the sensation of the hole in his chest still trying to tear him apart. He wishes to stop feeling so helpless, so alone, so _abandoned_.

And then, like the light touch of a butterfly's wings, there’s something against his forehead.

Izumi’s eyelashes flicker as he opens his eyes, trying to focus his gaze in what is in front of him. The whole place is bright, almost blinding, and the only thing he can look at in the middle of it all is. A boy. Not _the_ boy, but a boy nevertheless.

Izumi tries to open his mouth to ask what _the hell_ is going on, but nothing comes out of it. He can feel his lips forming the words, the air vibrating against his vocal chords, but there’s no sound in the white void around them. The glint of the stranger's deep green eyes is almost teasing, and a smile is tugging at the edge of his lips when he reaches for Izumi’s face, framing it with his hands. For a few seconds they just stare at each other. There’s a whole universe in the pit of his irises.

His hands slide down the skin of his neck, shoulders, arms. It should have some sense of intimacy, but somehow it almost seem clinical - he touches him like a doctor would, except because it feels like his hands are inspecting Izumi’s very essence, everything that turns him into himself, instead of just his body. His expression is full of benevolence, but it would make him shiver if he could - if he didn’t feel this detached from human’s senses, from everything earthly and mundane and _secure_. 

The boy tilts his head slightly to the right. His smile widens as his fingers close around Izumi’s wrists, and then, like it’s nothing, like it didn’t matter:

He untangles the cords and strings that binded him.

And Izumi falls. Just like a star.

* * *

Izumi opens his eyes to the blinding light filtering through curtains that are not his. His heart does a flip inside his chest when he notices the mess of music sheets and clothes scattering in the floor. Slowly, almost afraid of what he could find, he sits up and walks to the mirror hanging from the wall. He already knows, but he has to see it for himself.

Two green eyes look back at him. And this face, this flesh, this bones, this slim fingers and red messy hair and the tears falling down his cheeks. He knows all of it intimately, and Izumi revels into the beating of the heart inside his ribcage, into the warm of his own hands as he scrubs at his wet face. The happiness has filled the hole of his chest, and it feels exhilarating. 

Izumi doesn’t know if he’s sobbing or laughing. But it sounds like Leo anyway, and that’s all that matters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen I'm super insecure about this chapter but I wanted to get it out off the way because WE'RE GETTING CLOSER TO MY FAVORITE PART!!
> 
> And...yes. Yes, I changed tons of things from the movie. I know. I'm terrible, because Your Name is perfect. "And why are you changing it?" Because I have thought about what almost every enstars character is doing during this fic. "But will you write it?" Yes? No? I don't know. It doesn't fit in To go home's timeline, and I'm lazy...if any of you is interested, I could talk about it (in twitter, curiouscat (i'm nozomumelody at both), tumblr (nagimitsus), the comments. Wherever you prefer! I have anon messages permited in almost all my social media anyway.)
> 
> Also, if any of you guess all the cameos of this chapter, I'll...I don't know. Write the next chapter within a week. Open fic request. SOMETHING.
> 
> (Thank you for reading!)


	7. Chapter 7

Izumi spends at least five minutes in the floor, trying to hug his whole body as tightly as possible. He feels like a little child, too amazed by the situation to care how could it came to be. This is a miracle, or a fairytale, or the blessing of a benevolent god. Leo’s nails are short and feel blunt against his skin, digging into his own arms until it hurts. The sense of pain grounds him, makes it even more real, and Izumi takes a shaky breath as he press his face against his knees.

He lets himself enjoy this for a while, every little thing becoming a new wave of exhilarating relief. The sun warming the top of his head, the heartbeat of his chest, the smell of wood and clean air that he has come to associate with Itomori. And only when everything stops to feel so overwhelming, only when the fog of happiness starts to fade away, Izumi raises from the floor.

He puts on the school uniform in a rush, and doesn’t even bother to turn to the mirror before reaching up to braid his hair. And that’s when he notices.

Izumi turns. He was too euphoric before, lost in the feeling of being Leo once more, drunk in the knowledge that he’s still alive, to notice the change. But it’s there.

His hair is short now, orange locks soft against his fingers but definitely not long enough to braid or pull up into a ponytail. And Izumi senses a sudden feeling of irritation bubbling in the pit of his stomach because- _what the hell_. He spent so much time taking care of this orange mane, found so much comfort in slowly working the locks and making them into a tight braid. And now it’s gone.

Izumi thinks about writing _Stupid_ in his arm, just to make a statement, but that’s the moment Ruka chooses to knock shyly at his door, voice sweet and small when she calls for him.

Izumi can feel his knees weaken. _Tsukinaga Ruka (14)_ the website in Arashi's phone has read in a place that's starting to feel like another place, another life, a distant nightmare. And he opens the sliding door in a rush, cheeks flushed and eyes bright as he scoops her up in his arms and twirls around once, then twice. She lets out a high pitched scream, trying to cling to his shoulders, but it’s over as fast as it started. Izumi lets her in the ground, gazes at her soft features and smiles, smiles so much it almost hurts.

He got Leo back, and almost forgot that means Ruka is safe too.

“Onii-chan?” Ruka says, tone insecure. Izumi leans his forehead in hers and breathes in slowly.

“It’s fine.” he says, and it sounds like a promise. “Don’t worry. Onii-chan has it under control.”

Ruka looks at him like he has gone crazy. Izumi can’t blame her, because he’s been question his own sanity for a while -but not anymore. The muffle sound of the television comes from the living room, and the news are talking about the comet. Izumi feels a cold claw squeezing his heart, and he puts both hands in Ruka’s shoulders, fixing her with a serious glare.

“Listen, I need you to go to the schoolyard tonight, okay?”

She makes a sound of complain.

“But the fest-”

“Ruka-tan.” he repeats, slowly, trying to make his point very clear. “I need you to promise me. Don’t go to the festival.”

She pouts, but by the time she’s opening her mouth Izumi is already walking away. He turns the corner to the living room where Leo’s grandma is slowly eating breakfast, eyes set on the television. It’s stupidly comforting, almost enough to make him feel like he is not facing a life-or-death situation.

But he is. And so, Izumi devours a toast, gobbles down a bowl of rice and dashes to the door. He hears Leo’s grandmother voice, cracked by the age and slightly worried.

“Did you have a fight with Ruka?”

Izumi looks over his shoulder, heart stammering in his chest. Every moment he loses is a precious one, and Ruka’s running late today. Probably because she’s still trying to make sense of his words, or the reason he doesn’t let her go to the festival, or why the hell has his brother found a new fixation with forcing her to lose the first exciting social event in the story of forever in Itomori.

“I have things to do with Nazunyan.”

“Oh.” there’s a pause. Izumi goes through the motions of putting on his shoes mechanically. “Have a good day, dear.”

Izumi feels his throat tighten. 

“You too, grandma.”

When he opens the door, Ritsu is already there, casually sitting in the floor without a care in the world. His expression is tired, but his eyes fall upon Izumi the second he’s out the house. His heart starts beating at the sight, because he thought he lost him too - red eyes and lazy smiles and voice sweet as honey. Ritsu, who held his hand the first time Izumi went to the other side and talked about being always stuck in the middle, never to interfere with either world. Ritsu, who sleeps too much but has always been to his -Leo's- side.

He doesn’t cry, but god - he wants to.

“We have things to do.” he says as a greeting, and Ritsu raises both eyebrows.

For a second, he just seizes Izumi with a deep stare, and he feels like he’s at the top of a mountain looking at the dying rays of the sun again, as if Ritsu could look further, past his body, into the very essence of Izumi’s being. It reminds him of white surroundings and a boy of intense green eyes untying the string that kept him binded.

Slowly, Ritsu grins.

“So, you’re back again?”

Izumi pauses, and he can almost physically feel his brain stop working as he tries to process what he just heard. Ritsu doesn’t move an inch, obviously waiting, like the cat who got the mouse.

Izumi stutters, which is embarrassing, and finally he croaks:

“You _knew_?”

It’s undignified, he knows, but his voice breaks from the surprise that’s running through his body. Ritsu stretches with a loud yawn, not bothering to cover his mouth. For a precious few seconds, they just stare at each other in silence.

“Of course I knew.” he’s still smiling like the insufferable know-it-all he is, and Izumi feels a sudden need to punch him. “It’s been happening to the Tsukinaga family for generations - we are supposed to keep an eye on the whole thing.” his eyes seem sad again, just for a second, and it takes Izumi’s breath again when he remembers how utterly alone he looked in the mountain. “I told you before, right? The Sakuma family is stuck in the middle. It’s not like I can intervene.”

He tries not to get angry at the words, but they press all his wrong buttons. What kind of nonsensical dunce decided to make the rules in a way that it would make the Tsukinagas feel alone and misunderstood for _generations_? How many of them have thought they were going literally crazy? How much fear, how much doubts have been they facing just because-?

Izumi walks up to him, steps full of decision. He takes Ritsu’s arm and pulls him up, until he’s standing on his own two feet. Here they are, the personification of a bunch of old traditions and folk tales that have accompanied the town for as long as it has existed, and Izumi thinks - maybe this it is. Maybe the powers within the Tsukinaga family were supposed to help Itomori when the comet appeared, maybe he’s just fulfilling a role given by the gods. 

Maybe he can do this.

“You can’t be a bystander forever, you know!?” He tightens his grip in Ritsu’s arm, expression made of steel and voice full of annoyance. Of course he knew -of course he didn’t help. Well, not anymore. “The comet is going to split tonight, and it will strike in Itomori.” Ritsu’s breath hitches. “I need your help.”

* * *

Izumi knows this is going to be tough.

Getting Ritsu to actually run has to be a miracle in itself, so there’s no way the gods are sparing any more for him. This demented scheme he’s trying to pull on the whole town has to work, though, because it’s the only thing that can save them all. And it can’t fail- _Izumi_ can’t fail.

So he grabs Nazuna, and waits until Ritsu drags Leo’s stupid best friend to them. Mikejima appears with another boy, though, and Izumi’s breath leaves his body at the sigh of familiar green eyes. However, there’s no sign of recognition in the other’s face, so Izumi choose to keep quiet about it, because what's he's about to say sounds crazy enough to add 'I think I saw your friend in a mystical place, and he played with my own destiny' to the mix. Madara shrugs at his accusing glare.

“His name is Kanata.” he says, as if that explained it all. “We had things to do.”

“Well” Ritsu’s voice is serious, and it contrasts with his usual tone. “Whatever it was, it can wait.”

They end up packed in a small, empty club room of the high school. Ritsu stays by his side as he stands in front of their little crew, and his arm touches Izumi’s every time he breathes. It’s somehow comforting, and it makes him feel bolder.

He can do this.

Even in the case he couldn't, he _has_ to.

And so, Izumi starts to talk.

* * *

“Remember me again why am I doing this?” Nazuna asks, and then he takes a little bite from his doughnut. Ritsu leans into his shoulder.

“Because you want to keep on living, Nazunyan.”

“You’ve gone crazy. Both of you.” Nazuna pauses, pondering his statement for a second. “All of you.”

Madara throws a peace sign at him over the map extended before him, and Izumi rolls his eyes. The plan is easy in theory - they have to get all the families to the secure zone in the high school’s grounds before it’s too late. The problem consists, mostly, in the fact that they are just five teenagers. Izumi has had little time to think, but he has already come out with something.

“You have to be here.” He says, looking at Nazuna. “If we broadcast an evacuation order, everyone will get to safety before the comet strikes.” He points at the red circle he traced in the map just a couple of seconds before, expression stern. “You’re part of the broadcasting commitee, so it should be easy.”

“Yeah, of course” Nazuna’s voice is getting progressively higher, and he’s starting to fumble with his own words. “Excet becauwse the town speakews awe in the town hall!”

“So, we hijack their frequency.” Ritsu intervenes, as if it was obvious. “I’m sure Maakun can do that. There aren't many transmission frequencies in our zone.”

Izumi would like to say that this will be his first time doing something illegal. It is not. Somewhere, _somewhen_ , Naru is probably feeling a shiver down her spine as she whispers “Izumi-chan, no.”

“The emergency broadcast of the city hall will override us, won’t it?”

Mikejima is the most focused among them, eyes fixed in the map and lips pressed. Izumi doesn’t want to dwell on it too much, but Leo’s power over him is incredible - he just had to say that he needed his help, and Mikejima was a hundred percent on board. The weird kid he came with - Kanata? - is looking at the fish tank in the corner, murmuring to himself at times.

“Well, we’ll have to pray they don’t, or the whole town will be lost.”

Izumi looks at his own hands as he talks, trying to figure something else out - this plan of his is precarious, and he knows it. But it’s their only chance of getting through the night with the population of Itomori intact. Nazuna is still sweating bullets in front of him, face buried into the palm of his hands. Sometimes he whispers “you’re all crazy”. Izumi can sense the feeling of annoyance bubbling in his stomach - he’s trying to save them, a little help would be welcome.

“Well, praying has never helped anybody.” Mikejima says suddenly, and he points at an area near the mountain, well into the comet’s impact zone. “So we’ll have to take the matter into our own hands. I can get us some water gel explosives, and if this town is going to disappear anyway no one will notice. Our power generators are placed in this area, if we blow them up…”

“...We’ll be able to justify an evacuation. People will believe the broadcast.” Ritsu ends, and his eyes are glittering with interest. 

Izumi can feel his heart rate speed at the words. Because it sounds...it sounds good. It sounds like it might work.

“You’re a genius.” he says to Mikejima, matter-of-factly. He laughs.

“No, no, Leo-san. That’s you. I’m just doing my best to help.”

Izumi takes a marker out of Leo’s jacket - he always have at least three, probably to make sure he doesn’t run out of things to compose. Never paper, though, because he can’t put his brain cells to work properly for once.

Izumi draws a red circle around the high school, doing his best to remember the maps and images he looked at when he was still in his body. He doesn’t know if it’s a hundred percent correct, but it’ll have to be good enough.

He remembers all he needs anyway. (Falling to his knees over the pavement, broken windows, the moss growing over the building. He remembers, and it still makes his heart ache.)

“The school courtyard is the only good place for the evacuation.” he says at last. “Everyone will be safe.”

“We’re committing a crime.” Nazuna laments, and he lets his head fall upon the table with a light _thud_.

Mikejima puts a comforting hand in his shoulder, even if he doesn’t seem remorseful in the slightest. 

“It’s a ‘rescue’ mission~” The voice is new, and Izumi jumps in his place. He didn’t even noticed Kanata moving, but now he’s dropping himself over the back of the sofa, trying to also reach Nazuna’s shoulder. There is a wide smile painted into his lips, and it’s uncorrupted - almost angelic. It doesn’t look like the beatic one Izumi remembers, but maybe he wasn’t there at all. Maybe it was his own head playing with him. “Sometimes ‘humans’ need a ‘push’ to walk the right path~”

Izumi shakes his head. Unbelievable. Nazuna lets out a sigh of surrender anyway, so maybe the words were useful. That’s the moment Ritsu chooses to step up, pointing at him.

“So, Nazunyan, you’re in charge of the broadcast.” he starts, and then his finger’s trayectory goes to Madara’s face. “Explosive guy. I’ll handle Maakun, he’ll get us the signal.”

“What about Leo-chin?” Nazuna asks, eyeing him with a tint of suspicion. Izumi doesn’t miss a heartbeat before answering.

“We’ll need the police to come out for the people to really evacuate. I’m the mayor’s son. I’ll go talk with him, and once he’s in our side, it’ll be easier. He’ll listen.” He’s sure of it. Hopes so, at least. Izumi tries to ignore the almost pitiful look that Nazuna and Mikejima send his way, and chooses to steel himself instead. He has a plan, and he’s going to follow through with it. It’s their only hope. “We are going to save Itomori. All of us.” 

And Leo has to have superpowers, or maybe he’s too charismatic for the world to handle, or maybe. Maybe they are all a little in love with him, just as Izumi is. Because they look at him and answer in perfect unison: 

“Let’s do it.”

* * *

“This is ridiculous.”

That’s what Leo’s dad says, after he asks him about his hair ( _Yes, yes, it was prettier before, but it’s not like this man has the right to comment on it._ ) and Izumi answers by telling him the whole situation. Three words. Just three words, and Izumi can feel his plan start to tremble. His voice is strong, rough and heavy, and it makes him feel very small - but Izumi has been working for adults since he can remember, has been the target of their frustrations hundred of times. And he’s not one to shy away from confrontations.

Who does he think he is, anyway? His mum?

“The comet will break! We have to do something, or else-”

“Be quiet.”

He raises his hand, and Izumi’s mouth shuts immediately. For a few seconds they just stare at each other, air thick between them. And he seems to be pondering his words, so Izumi waits. Watches as he leans back in his seat and close his eyes, letting out a sigh that’s full of exasperation. It’s amazing how paternalistic can a person sound by just exhaling air.

“How dare you” he starts, very slowly. “come to me with that kind of nonesense?”

Izumi can almost literally sense the blood start to boil in his veins. He narrows his eyes, affronted, and his words are nothing more than a hiss.

“ _Excuse me_?”

He can feel his skin crawl at the way Leo’s father is looking at him, and suddenly he remembers - the back in front of him during the funeral, and then in the doorframe, and the screams, and a little kid hugging his sister for dear life, so afraid, so abandoned by the man who was supposed to protect him. And Leo has been alone all his life, so why did Izumi think that this could work? Why did he put his trust in this tired man, who is too busy trying to forget his wife to even notice how wonderful his children are? What, a few teenagers show him some decency and he starts to believe in the intrinsic goodness of the human race again?

“Maybe the delusions run in your mother’s side of the family.” he says, and then he’s picking up the phone. He looks so far away from him, from the whole situation. His words sound muffled to Izumi's ears. “You come here, barging into my office and talking about these crazy theories like you really believe them- But what can I expect? You’ve always been like this.” How hard it is to believe that Leo, who carries music wherever he goes and whose heart exploding with light, can be related to the man that’s looking at him like he’s nothing more than a bother. And sometimes the best things come from the dirt, Izumi thinks. “It’s time for you to see a doctor.”

The full force of the words finally hit Izumi head on, and he’s left breathless. He can feel it rising in his chest, spreading through his body like a wildfire, the feeling travelling to his mind and making everything feel foggy, almost irreal. This can't be happening. This man can't be this much of an cretin. Izumi's clutching his fists so hard that his nails cut into his skin, but he doesn’t even register the pain, too busy trying to mitigate the lava pooling in his stomach. He thinks of the old club room, of the way all the voices had intermingle, rising to agree with this crazy plot of his with only his word as proof. And Ritsu’s calming presence, Nazuna’s resigned affirmation, Madara’s unwavering faith, all falling upon him like a warm blanket, a security rope in the middle of the hurricane.

Izumi could feel like he was misguided, if it was not for their confidence. But he’s not in the wrong, and he’s not sick, he’s…

He’s _furious_.

“-You!” the word come in a ragged breath. In just a second, drived by the raw feeling of rage flooding through him, he has step up to him and slapped the phone away from his hand. Izumi slams his palm down the desk so hard the pens over it shake. “You’ve been a pathetic excuse of a father all this time, stop talking as if you knew the first damn thing about him!”

There’s a moment of utter silence, broken only by Izumi’s shallow breaths. For a few seconds they stay just like that, looking at each other in the eye, and Leo’s father lips are slightly open, trembling in a way that makes it hard to tell if he’s scared or angry.

Izumi doesn’t care. His own words have been careless, but he can’t feel remorse at all. It doesn’t matter anyway. If he fails, nothing will.

This man’s bad parenting might kill them all.

“You’re useless.” Izumi says, through badly hidden rage, and means every word.

Izumi takes two steps backwards, still looking at him, almost fearing that he will try to stop him. But the mayor seems glued to his seat, still too surprised to react. When he talks, it’s in an astounded whisper.

“Who are you?”

Izumi doesn’t answer. He finally turns away from him, walking past his office’s door.

He’s running out of time.

* * *

Izumi goes back to their makeshift operation room. All eyes fall upon him when he opens the door, and the look on his face must be enough as an answer, because suddenly the air becomes thicker.

“He said no.” Ritsu guesses. Izumi swears that he can hear Isara, now working on in his computer, mutter something along the lines of ‘Of course he said no. You’re all crazy.’

Izumi doesn’t bother to add anything. Ritsu wasn’t asking anyway.

“Where’s Mikejimama?” he hates how the nickname rolls out of his tongue, but it’s the only thing he can still do to sound at least a little like Leo. The rest of his façade has been down from the start of the day. Izumi sits down in the sofa with a tired sigh, trying to think about alternatives to back up their evacuation plan.

“He’s getting the explosives with the weird blue kid.” Ritsu leans into his side, always oblivious to the concept of personal space. “I’m sure it will work.”

Maybe it won’t, Izumi thinks, because the police and the town hall are against them. And he’s the one who couldn’t make it - he’s the one who failed them. The mayor asked who Izumi was, so he noticed- of course he did. Leo could have done it. Leo knows his dad, he knows the people of Itomori, he has a charming smile and that wild charisma that got their little criminal squad here to trust him in the first place.

Izumi is the problem.

“Seriously, Leo-chin.” Nazuna says from his chair, where he’s munching a doughnut. Stress eating. Izumi feels his stomach flip at the thought of Tsukasa -he misses him, misses Naru, misses his friends who would maybe -probably- know what to do now. “Are you okay? Some of our classmates said they saw you taking the train to Tokyo yesterday, and then you cut your hair, and now “he gesticulates, encompassing the whole room, the whole situation. “ _This_. What is happening with you?”

“If you need some help…” Isara picks up where Nazuna left it, but Izumi is not listening anymore.

His brain is stuck in the word _Tokyo_. Because he saw it. He saw Leo taking the train, and walking the city, and shoving that cord Izumi’s been wearing in his wrist since what seems to be forever into his hand, a train full of people but only one that really mattered, only one name-

He _remembers_. His eyes look for Ritsu’s, and find that he's already staring at him, almost solemn. They are connected. Leo and him have been connected from the start, even before Izumi knew his name, even before he came to love him, the gods weaved the strings of their destiny together. 

And if he’s here now, in Leo’s body… Where’s his?

Ritsu’s face turns to the window, and Izumi’s gaze follow his by sheer inertia. There, beyond the roofs of Itomori, the skyline is full of misty mountains. And one is prominent between them, standing proud and tall against the sky. The one Izumi climbed once - twice. 

Ritsu turns to him again. He’s smiling.

Izumi knows what to do.

“First of all” he says, already getting up. “The hair thing was an obvious mistake.” He throws the door open. “And second- Stop worrying. I’m going with our second option.”

As Izumi sprints through the empty hall, he can still hear Nazuna whine:

“But we don’t have a second option!”

* * *

Ritsu is trailing after him. Izumi can feel him, like a ghost or- a guardian angel, or whatever. He keeps looking at the window from the corner of his eye, almost fearing that the mountain could disappear. Now that the idea has settled into his head, it seems like the most obvious solution: Leo is there, in a time that it’s not his, and if they can meet, if Izumi can somehow give this body back…

He walks down the stairs, two steps at a time, and that’s the moment Ritsu chooses to start talking.

“You’ll need a bike.” he says. The night hasn’t fallen over the town yet, and Ritsu has never been good with either the sun or the heat - he sounds slightly out of breath. “Take Nazunyan’s.”

“I’m sure that you can’t give me permission for that.”

But it's not like it matters. He'll have time to apologize later. Izumi turns a corner, opens the door to the schoolyard and - there it is. At this point school has already ended, and Nazuna’s bicycle is the only one left. It’s not even locked, but Izumi is not surprised. Itomori is a small town, after all, and no thief will be able to use it without a few persons recognizing it.

Izumi sprints towards the bike, and he’s already throwing one leg over it when Ritsu catches up to him. He puts a hand against his arm, a gentle grip that makes Izumi pause for a second. Ritsu is looking at him, and his eyes are intense like the dawn.

“Your name.” He breathes. “What’s your name?”

Izumi is embarrassingly close to responding ‘Leo’, but the word dies in his tongue when he realizes what’s hiding behind Ritsu’s calming expression. He almost looks desperate, clinging to him in the loneliness of the abandoned schoolyard. And then Izumi understand - if this goes as planned, if he brings Leo back and the city is saved, this might be their last chance to talk, to really talk to each other without the barrier of their secrets between them.

And maybe Izumi was too busy being jealous of Leo’s life to notice how much he fits in it, how easy it was to just _be himself_ with Ritsu, all languid smiles and good intentions and an undemanding friendship forming through the acting and the lies.

He’s not asking for Leo’s name.

“Will you remember?” he asks, almost shyly. Tears are prickling at the corner of his eyes and his hands are sweaty as he grabs the handlebars. This might be the last time they see each other, and he's trying really hard to stop thinking about it. The run has colored Ritsu’s cheeks in a red tone that contrast with his natural pale skin, his hair is messy and he’s still trying to fully catch his breath, but there is an innegable sincerity in the pit of his eyes.

“I don’t know.” he shrugs. “I told you before, right? We Sakumas are not supposed to get involved. I don’t think any of us has tried before.” 

Izumi thinks about it for a second. About Ritsu, always somnolent but always prone to fall into step with Leo and Ruka in the mornings, always there when he’s needed. He looks down, and wishes that Leo still had enough hair for it to hide his reddening eyes.

“If you airhead can’t remember, then I’ll come back when this is all over to write it all over your face, got it?” Izumi looks up, trying to look resolute and dependable. He puts a feet in the pedal. “The name’s Sena Izumi.”

Ritsu smiles. Izumi doesn’t know if the gesture is sad or just nostalgic.

In another lifetime, they could have been friends.

“Well then,” Ritsu lets go of him slowly, his own hand falling to his side. “Good luck, Secchan.”

Maybe they still can. Maybe there's still time. Maybe he is not losing a friend, but gaining an endless horizon of possibilities.

Izumi starts to pedal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there!! Sorry about the wait! Life has been crazy and, I won't lie to you, most of my time has been dedicated to enstars!! music these last days (and I hope you got all your faves in the first roll!!) and I hate this chapter but I did my best so,, It'll have to do for now.
> 
> Anyway, we're reaching the end and...Holy shit guys, 100 kudos!?!? I ALMOST CRIED WHEN I SAW IT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT. Your comments keep me going.
> 
> I hope this can help you though your quarantine -it helped with mine, at least.
> 
> Again, thank you!!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen, I'm tired and it's 4.30 am...It's not as edited as it should, I'm sorry for any mistake!  
> EDIT: As I said, 4.30 am. It's 5.17 now and I noticed a big mistake BUT I EDITED IT ALREADY, SORRY.

Leo wakes up in the dark. 

There’s a moment of sheer panic running through him as he sits up, trying to guess where is he. His hands search for something to hold onto, anything. The padded feeling of moss under his fingers, then the wet rock, and then -he lets go of air he didn’t know was holding in the first place - a phone.

Leo holds it up, pulse trembling, and a faint light comes out of the screen. He immediately recognizes the background wallpaper - he was the one to choose it in the first place, and it’s a miracle that Sena hasn’t changed the picture yet. Naru’s smiling face look back at him, winking as she pinches Tsukasa’s cheeks to try and make him smile.

Relief fills him at the realization that he’s in Sena body, and Leo lets out a shaky breath. So he didn’t wander off on his own again without noticing. That’s okay. That’s good.

Is weird. Leo can’t remember going to sleep in the first place, and there’s not a single note that could be of use in Izumi’s phone. He’s really hoping that he didn’t get himself into a mess and let Leo to clean it. Very slowly, supporting part of his weight in the slippery wet wall, he gets back onto his feet. And that’s when he sees the altar.

Leo has been to the body of the god only once, when he was a child - and he remembers little of it, but there are glimpses in some far away part of his mind. The warmth of her mother’s hand contrasting with the cold and humidity of the cave, her voice as she explained how old the tradition was, the way she scoop him up into her arms and splattered his face with kisses once they were out, saying that he had been very quiet, a very good kid, the best she could ask for.

Leo shakes his head, trying to get rid of the memories, of the pang of pain ringing in the center of his chest. That doesn’t matter.

What’s Sena doing here, anyway?

* * *

This is a good moment to state that Izumi has never liked bikes.

He was the type of child to like graceful sports that made him felt beautiful and flawless, and pedalling was not on that list. It made his breathing uneven, even when he was supposed to have pretty strong legs due to ballet, and he thought he had to look like a panting elephant trying to catch his breath.

It’s not like it matters much now. Leo’s body still has lots of stamina, and Izumi is driven by the desperation clinging to his throat. He can feel his hair plastering to his skin with sweat, and the air rasps against the insides of his throat as he tries to get it into his lungs, turning breathing into a painful, aching motion.

The sun is filtering through the maple leaves, colliding against his tired shape. Izumi’s stomach flicker at every bump he passes, heart jumping into his chest for a second before resuming its quick pace. 

Leo went looking for him.

Izumi can barely remember it from his own perspective, that stranger talking to him in the train. Bright green eyes and dashing smile, even when he looked utterly sad as he yelled his name across the crowd. And he left, just a cord to remember him by.

Izumi is not letting him go this time.

 _Leo_ , he has said, and the name lights up a whole new level of frustration inside of him. If only Izumi had been kinder, if only he had offered his number, or at least reached to touch him - he’d have something to cling to, something to draw strength of, apart from the feeling bubbling in his chest. He’d die to know the warmth of Leo’s skin, even if it’s just once.

(He almost does - a new bump in the uneven path makes him lose control of his course, and Izumi barely has the time to grab a low branch before the bike slips out from under him and falls down the hillside. Izumi can hear it banging against the rocks as it goes down, but he doesn’t even bother to look at it. He just whispers an apology to Nazuna under his breath before sprinting up the path.)

 _The name’s Leo!_ as the doors of the train closed and Izumi lost sight of him. And he knows it now - he remembers it, both from his own memory and Leo’s.

The memory is like a flame over his heart as he screams out the name, the sound fading away, lost into the mist of the mountains. And Izumi keeps running, as if he could catch it.

* * *

Leo has to use his hand to shelter his eyes from the low sun when he comes out of the god’s body. He looks around, confused at the new landscape - the steam is bigger, the weather is way colder than yesterday, even if the sky is clear; and the shrine seems to be almost abandoned. Leo knows his grandma well enough to be sure she would never allow the god to be neglected.

Leo can’t remember what he was doing before the switch, the last time he went to sleep. He forces his mind, trying to catch some distant memory, and busies himself reconstructing the last steps he can reminiscence as he starts climbing the hill to the edge of the crater.

That’s when he hears it for the first time, the distraught fading echo hitting him with the force of a tsunami, making it impossible to breathe for a second. “ _Leo-kun!_ ” 

And of course he’d recognize the sound of his own voice anywhere.

Leo turns around, head moving in desperate motions as he tries to catch sight of him. But there’s no one here except for himself.

Leo has never been one to be discouraged by reality, thought.

“Sena?” he calls out. And then louder, as his steps get quicker up the hill. The name starts to dig up something in the back of his mind, memories strangely faint, as if they were not really his.

His face, no longer framed by orange locks, scissors still in his hand as he thought _He’d hate this. I know he will. I hope he does._ Festival music. Ruka’s light kiss against the crown of his head as she said goodbye. 

The comet. The split. The falling stars soaring through the sky, beautiful tails and glittering forms. The astonishment at the sight mixing with the feeling of dread filling his whole body for just a second as he thought _isn’t it coming-?_

 _Closer_ , Leo completes now. It was coming closer.

He reaches the top. Looks around him.

And then he falls to his knees.

* * *

Izumi thinks he’s going to throw up. The sweat is rolling down his spine, the air feels like acid as it goes down his aching throat, his mouth tastes like iron. But he doesn’t slow down. He can already see the lake, the festival stalls in the distance. 

He thinks of Ritsu, and Nazuna, and Mikejima. About their voices intermingling as they accepted this crazy scheme of his. About their faith.

He thinks of Ruka, unknowingly preparing herself for her own burial.

He thinks of Leo. The last time Izumi was here in this body, he has thought of holding his hand, of laughing together. He had realized he wanted all this boy could offer.

Even if that’s a broken family and a town about to blow up.

“Leo-kun!” he yells again, pouring into it all all of his fears, all of his doubts, all of his yearning and his hope and his unwavering faith that this is going to work out. 

Izumi reaches the top.

* * *

Leo hears his name again, and it sounds like a desperate prayer.

He lifts his head, tears still streaming down his cheeks. But there’s not enough will left in his body to make him get up, the sight of the new lake still engraved into his brain. There’s no Itomori. There’s no village and no friends and no grandma and no Ruka, and the music inside of him has become a deafening Requiem for those he has lost.

That night, Leo died. And all his loved ones disappeared with him.

The dying light of the sun is glinting against the lake surface, and he thinks that it could as well be filled with blood. They called the setting sun “half-light” in Itomori, and the lost of their old dialect also sits heavy like a stone into his stomach.

(And once again, Leo thinks of his mother - gentle hands playing with his hair, pulling it up in a ponytail and then letting it fall all around his face as she made faces at him and laughed, voice chirping with unadulterated happiness. “ _Half-light. When it’s neither day nor night, and the world blurs… The very borders of reality get thinner. You might encounter something out of a legend, you know_ ”)

“ _Leo-kun, you stupid idiot!”_

This time, Leo turns around at the sound of the voice.

* * *

“ _Sena!_ ”

Izumi hears it, and he feels tears crippling at the edge of his eyes. Relief almost brings him to his knees, and he has to use all of his strength to keep himself upright. 

He’s here. Leo is here.

Izumi can’t see him in the border of the crater, neither in the valley of the shrine, but he knows - something deep inside him understand that he’s not far off. He rubs the tears off his face with his forearm, takes a new gulp of air and screams again.

* * *

“Sena! Sena, I can hear you, but I can’t-!”

Leo takes off running around the rim of the crater, as if he could follow the sound of the voice that’s calling out to him. It’s his own. Sena is here, and he’s inside his body. 

* * *

If he can catch him, then they can switch again. That’s all the hope he has left. Izumi sprints, asking himself what kind of vicious joke is this - why can he hear Leo, but not see him. 

“Leo-kun, where are you!?”

He wishes he could stop feeling so helpless, so much like a pawn fighting in the chessboard of the gods, so unable in the face of something bigger that he can’t control, because-

* * *

\- because if they can find each other, maybe the ugly thing trying to devour Leo from the insides will stop, at least for a second. Maybe the force of his own grieve won’t asphyxiate him.

Leo runs, and the tomb that is Itomori watch.

He cries out once last time, and that’s when he feels it.

* * *

It’s not a rush of adrenaline nor a sudden wave of vertigo. Izumi could have expected that - a violent, implacable sensation that would have left him dizzy and disoriented. Something strange and powerful at all once.

Instead, what he gets is warmth.

It fills him in an abrupt surge, and he pauses. He doesn’t know where the sense of familiarity is coming from, but it feels as if his very soul has been left breathless.

He turns. The red rays of the setting sun are bathing his skyline, just as they did when Izumi realized he loved him. He can still remembers Ruka’s voice, soft and full of wonder.

The _half-light_.

Izumi tries to reach for the twilight.

* * *

Leo tries to reach for the song of the dying sun.

* * *

Their fingers meet in the middle.

Izumi is so shocked that he retreats his hand and takes a step back, almost scared of the way his skin tingles and his hands tremble. He’s terrified by the idea of blinking, because it’s been a dream for so long - it probably won’t be real this time either. He’ll close his eyes for a second, and then Leo will be gone.

Except because when his eyelids open again, he’s still looking at Leo. The only thing that differs is the point of view.

Izumi knows Leo’s body by now, would recognize anywhere the shade of his hair and the shape of his nose and the old scars of bites that mark his hands. But he has never really seen him. Not like this.

The red light strikes against him, setting his hair afire and caressing his skin. It makes his eyes -green not like a cold esmerald but the lawn under his hands in spring - stand out more. His expression is like an open book, mouth agape and eyebrows raised even though he’s starting to form an incredulous smile and Izumi - Izumi knows he has never looked like this, when he looked at himself in the mirror. This beautiful. This _alive_.

Leo is breathtaking and soulstriking.

“Sena, you look terrible.” he says.

(Izumi, blinded by his beauty and the exhilarating relief flooding through him, has managed to forget that he’s also a freaking idiot.)

“Well, you’re-”

He was going to come out with an insult appropriate enough on the spot, but the words never make it out of his mouth. Because suddenly his arms are full, and then Leo laughs for a second, and then he’s kissing him.

It’s short, but the contact makes Izumi’s head spin nonetheless. Leo’s lips are warm against his, hands valiantly framing his face. Izumi can almost physically feel the way his heart explodes, overcome by the mix of surprise and sheer _devotion_ to the boy. Leo kisses him in an impulse, eager yet chaste, and Izumi thinks: I’d fight destiny and death a hundred times for this.

It’s not even an exaggeration. 

“What are you even doing here?” Leo whispers, putting just an inch between them. Izumi can feel his breath ghosting against his cheek, and his hands find Leo’s waist, trying to keep him close, delighting in the way he can sense him _breathe_. 

“I stole a bike.” he says, voice dry (because this is _serious_ ). Leo laughs, and the sound reverberate in Izumi’s own chest. “Shut up, would you? I came up here looking for you, and then-”

“Then” Leo cuts him, and there’s something incredibly sad lingering in the shallow cheerful tone of his voice. “you breathed life into me! Or...more like you panted it.” He smiles, eyes bright, fingers digging into the scalp of Izumi’s hair. “It must have been one hell of a run, uh, Sena?”

Izumi loves him so much it hurts, like he’s trying to catch the sun within his fingers.

“You’re an idiot.” he says, and finally lets go of Leo. He takes one step back, just enough to show him the cord around his wrist. “How did you think I could recognize you, if you come see me when I still haven’t met you?”

Leo stutters, and red climbs to his face as Izumi unfastens the buckle. He starts unwinding it from his wrist just as Leo retorts, offended.

“Well, you should have known who I was anyway!” he says, and seems to believe it. Leo crosses his arms, almost pouting. “Aren’t we like, the tragic lovers of an old tale? Your soul should have reached out to mine! It’s not my fault that you’re stupid! Like an insensitive shrimp!”

“How does that even make sense?”

Izumi can’t help but sound exasperated, even when Leo has already offered his own wrist so he can tie the cord around it. He goes through the motions with care, fighting the flips his stomach keep doing every single time their skin meet.

Leo doesn’t retort, and Izumi lifts his gaze just to find him looking at the setting sun, expression suddenly stern. He takes a deep breath, and his fingers reach for Izumi’s before he can withdraw his hand.

Neither of them say anything, because there’s no need to. 

“We have a plan.” Izumi says, simply because there’s no enough time. These moments are not meant for them - they are for the people of Itomori. “But it won’t work if we can’t convince your father.” there’s a pause, and Izumi forms a light smile. “He’s a cretin.”

Leo snorts, even if he doesn’t put his heart to it. Izumi prays for him to let go of his hand, because there’s no much time left for them, but Leo only tightens his grip, like a lost child clinging to the only thing he knows in a new enviroment. He has to restraint himself to avoid hugging him, trying to subdue the wave of emotions that hit against his chest.

Izumi wonders if they’ll get enough time, someday. He hopes that it’s not in another life.

“Leo-kun?” he calls, and his voice wavers. Izumi can feel his eyes burn, the prelude of the impeding tears, and he swallows the lump in his throat. He can’t cry. That’s not what Leo needs right now, and it won’t get them anywhere. “I brought you something else.”

Leo looks at him, eyes full of curiosity, and Izumi slowly unravels their fingers to reach for the front pocket of his jacket. Wrinkled and mistreated by his journeys, he gets out the song and offers it to Leo, eyes silently pleading.

_Don’t let it be the last time don’t go don’t forget don’t let it end._

Leo’s fingers are not shaking when he takes the music sheet, and Izumi has to admire that. His face lights up with recognition the second he opens it, and just then - just in that second do his eyes glint with unshed tears.

“You named it.” his voice is almost a whisper, and when he looks at him his gaze is filled with something that Izumi can’t name - it’s warmth and tender and full of that unnamed thing that strikes him like thunder. He can’t hold his eyes for more than a second.

“Of course I did” Izumi says, looking at the skyline. “I was running through half of Japan looking for a damn _ghost._ Had to keep myself entertained, you know?”

Leo laughs. The sound is weak and watery, but it does wonders to Izumi’s heart anyway - he feels it flip around in his chest, high on the presence of the boy in front of him.

“Okay” Leo says, and then he’s rubbing at his eyes with his sleeve. "You're just so..." He folds the song and goes to place it in his own pocket, and that’s when his face fills with realization. “Hey! So we won’t forget once the half-light is gone…” Leo brings out a marker. “Let’s write down our names, okay?”

Leo smiles. And the light is already fading, but it’s like the sun came out again. Izumi is offering his own hand before he can think of it, and Leo’s fingers circle his wrist as he writes, wet ink marking his skin in quick, almost graceful strokes. He presses the pen against his palm once he's done, and Izumi lets his touch linger for just a second more before he’s setting the tip of the pen against him, drawing the first line.

The light goes out. The sun hides away behind the mountains.

Izumi is left holding thin air.

He can feel the first wave of horror crashing against him with enough force to make him fall to his knees. He turns, searching the shadows for the ghost of a smile that’s no longer there. The lake of Itomori remains silent in the distance, poles sticking out of it like the constant reminder of the catastrophe.

Izumi starts to shake.

The memories are already fading - and it shouldn’t be like this. They usually last for longer, and he wonders if this is the last joke from the cruel god that’s been guiding them both all this time. 

“I was...I wanted to tell him.” he whispers, and his voice sound somewhat distant, as if it’s coming from another reality. The hole in his chest is back, threatening to consume him. “I wanted to tell you.” he repeats, talking to the falling night. Izumi knows he wants to cry, but tears just won’t come. “It doesn’t matter where in the world you are, I-”

I’ll keep looking for you, he wants to say, but the knot around his throat tightens, and he finds himself fighting back the need to scream. He tries to carve the face to his memory, muttering his name like a lifeline “Leo-kun, Leo-kun, Leo-kun…” 

After that, his mind remains blank.

And Izumi knows - he knows, he still remembers enough. He remembers the touch of his lips and the sound of his laugh and the feel of his breath against his face as he talked, and he remembers his friend’s expression as Izumi introduced himself, and he was - he was someone important too, but his facial features are withdrawing from his mind, hiding behind the fog of oblivion.

“I came here to save him.” Izumi whispers, because that’s all he has left, the knowledge that there was someone important - someone he cared about enough to travel and fight for, someone he loved deeply. “I wanted to be with him.”

He knows his name tasted like music.

But that’s disappearing too.

Izumi keeps pressing his hand against his chest, almost like a lifeline, and the distant memory of a pen pressing against it makes him open his fingers, slowly, one by one, as if discovering a treasure. And there, black ink against his pale skin, marked like so many mornings but holding words that no one ever gifted him before, like a last kiss, like the goodbye they never had-

_I love you._

Izumi feels his breath hitch, and a first sob breaks out the cage of his chest. "I can't remember you with this, you know?" he says, even when there's no one to hear him anymore. Izumi press his forehead against the words, try to keep them close when everything he holds dear seems to be drifting away from his grasp. Because it's not enough, but it's _something_. A reminder that there was someone out there who loved him, who wanted to stay even when he couldn't.

Izumi clings to the hole in his chest, because that’s everything that remains - and he won’t lose that too. He doesn’t care how lonely he feels, how devastated or heartbroken by something he can’t think of anymore. He’ll keep that sense of hollowness close to his chest, turn it into his last stand. And when he has even forgotten the fact that he can’t remember, he’ll keep fighting, keep struggling against the void. 

Izumi still knows _he_ is worth it.

“What’s your name?” he says, and his voice comes out as a whisper.

The night doesn’t answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW IF I DON'T POST IT NOW I'LL DELETE THE WHOLE CHAPTER SO -throws it at you.-
> 
> You know how this goes, your support and comments mean the world to me, so thank you! I might edit this chapter at some point because I...can't get myself to like it. But whatever. I hope you liked it!
> 
> ( I also really really hope that you all are keeping yourselves safe, and that both you and your loved ones are healthy!)


	9. Chapter 9

Leo doesn’t have time enough to think about either the tears welling up his eyes or the sadness threatening with overflowing his chest. The numb feel of his screaming heart pales compared to the sheer horror that strikes him at the sight of the comet navigating the sky, brighter than the moon, terrifying in its silent beauty. His knees weaken at the distant memory of the lake, of the ruined Itomori.

He runs anyway.

Leo dashes through the forest, taking every shortcut available. Izumi might have followed the paths, but Leo has been living in Itomori since birth. He knows the woods, knows how to orientate himself, knows how to move between tree trunks and bushes, knows about the sting of scratches made by the lower branches. The slope of the mountain almost sends him rolling down at least five times, but he manages to keep his balance.

The fear clings to his heart, making it hard to breathe. Leo tries to keep it away, shielding himself behind the easy mantra of Sena’s name. It sounds like a promise, like a warm memory, like a kiss under the last rays of the half-light. 

Leo jumps from a rock and falls onto one of the main paths, breathing erratically. His knees land into the dirt just as the name repeats one last time in the endless space of his mind.  _ SenaSenaSenaSena _ . He’s starting to have troubles remembering the shade of blue of his eyes.

The motorbike almost runs over him.

Leo’s head snap up at the braking sound, and he locks eyes with an astonished Madara. He’s wearing a helmet with a big light attached to the front, and Leo finds a watery smile tugging at his lips.

“Leo-san!” Madara shouts, and he sounds almost scolding. “Where have you-?”

_ Been? Come from? _ Leo doesn’t give him time enough to end the sentence. He hops onto the back of the motorbike, arms encircling Madara’s waist with the speed of a slippery snake.

“It doesn’t matter!” Leo hides his face against the back in front of him, slowly breathing in the familiar smell of Madara’s worn out leather jacket. He’s not alone anymore, but he still feel incredibly lonely. “Just hit it, Mama!”

Madara (bless his heart) doesn’t add anything else, even if he does send him a puzzled look over his shoulder. They both know there's no time for explanations. He turns on the engine again, and the wind wipes at Leo’s sides and hands when the motorbike speeds up.

He tries not to cry. He really does.

Madara’s jacket ends up wet anyway.

* * *

**KEEP OUT.**

That’s what the sign reads. Keep out. Leo looks at it, head tilted to the side and eyes narrowed. It’s bothering him.

“So, Leo-san” Madara says. Leo doesn’t turn to the sound of his voice. “I’ll have to flee again if my mother notices I took these.”

He’s referring to the explosives, Leo knows. Sena (whose eyes are aquamarine. Leo thinks. He hopes.) told him. Madara doesn’t sound insecure or desperate, he’s just stating a fact. There’s not even an inch of doubt in his voice, and Leo’s chest fills with something gentle at the thought.

He really managed to get some incredible friends, didn’t he.

“Once Itomori is swipe off the map, there won’t be a way for her to find out!” Leo chirps, and he manages a smile. Madara hums, but he goes forward, playing with the big bolt cutter in his hands. Leo doesn’t mind much about the idea of trespassing into a private property, but he wonders if Madara does.

Leo takes the sign, and he throws it at the nearby bushes with just a low “Yeet!” to accompany the movement.

“Okay, Leo-san!” Madara says, getting the tool in position. “We’re both criminals now!” The chain produces a mechanical jingle as it falls cut, and Leo shoots a smile in Madara’s direction.

They work under the dark blanket of the night. Leo watches as Madara gets everything ready, fingers tight around the flashlight he lent him, and only when the last explosive is set up do they turn back to the motorbike.

They flee the scene.

* * *

The explosion makes Leo feel a sudden rush of inspiration. The sound, the smoke, the fear curling up in his belly. He wants to throw his whole body into the ground and start scribbling with his finger into the dirt, and the only thing retaining him from doing exactly that is the visual reminder of their impending doom making its way through the night sky.

Madara stops the bike, and for a second that stretches for what feels like hours they just stare in awe at the smoke rising between the trees. Leo can’t believe that Sena and Madara tried to come up with something to save them and all they could think of was an explosion.

It almost makes him want to laugh.

The sirens start to howl. Their lament ascends into the night with the smoke, filling the whole area. Nazuna voice follows, surprisingly slow, incredibly calm. He doesn’t even trip in his words once.

“This is Itomori’s Broadcast System…” 

It’s working, Leo thinks. And he adds the name, just to make sure he still can:  _ It worked, Sena _ .

(His eyes were green, right?)

* * *

Ritsu knows that he’s overstepping. 

It’s not the place of a Sakuma to fix things. They watch, they judge, and they wait for events to unfold themselves. 

But Ritsu is tired of waiting.

Nazuna’s voice is calming, in its own way. His words become muffled by the wood of the door, but Ritsu still can understand what he’s saying (“ _ People in the following districts are requested to evacuate to Itomori High School immediately… _ ” ) and he’s doing both, well and good. Nervous and suspicious as he might have felt, Nazuna will be a hero by the end of the day.

Ritsu will, too, but there won’t be no one to tell about it. 

“Ritchan.”

A grin blooms into his lips at the sound of the voice, and Ritsu turns to face Mao’s insecure eyes. He changes the weight from a leg to another, obviously still uncomfortable around the consequences of their choices. 

He was the one to hijack the radio signal, though. Ritsu is kind of proud of that.

“What’s the matter, Maakun?” Ritsu leans into his space, almost playful. “Are you going to confess your feelings now that we’re close to death?” 

Mao flinches, but the tense line of his shoulders loosens a bit. He gives him a warning glance, lips pressed. For a second they just stare at each other, red meeting green, and then Mao sighs. It sounds exasperated, but there’s always a tint of fondness lingering in the background that never fails to make Ritsu feel loved.

“If we’re doing this” he pauses. Nazuna is still talking behind the closed door. “And clearly we’re doing this…” Mao looks at him, as if he’s waiting for him to laugh it off and say that it was all just a prank. Ritsu shrugs. “We have to do it right.”

Mao’s hand closes around his wrist, and Ritsu narrows his eyes in a silent question at the gesture, but there’s no answer before he’s being dragged away from the door and into the empty hallways.

“What do you mean?” Ritsu opts for a verbal approach to the subject this time, just to make sure he gets an answer. 

“I mean that someone has to help the people evacuate, right?”

Mao pulls him along as he goes down the stairs, into the cold air of the night. Ritsu follows his trail, because there’s nothing else he can do. Because Mao is committed to everything he does, bright and earnest and trusting, even when Ritsu himself is not sure if he’s doing the right thing.

Which is a pretty accurate metaphor to their whole relationship, isn’t it?

“Maakun” Ritsu calls. Mao’s face turns a little to look at him over his shoulders, but he keeps on walking. Ritsu use his hold to tug at him, planting his heels in the ground. “Maakun.”

That seems to get his attention. Mao stops, eyes wide. He kind of looks like a surprised child. It’s endearing.

He’s always enchanting. And he deserves so, so much more than dying because their plan wasn’t good enough, because Ritsu wasn’t strong enough to do things by himself for once.

“You should stay here.” He says, and means every word. His voice is serene, full of confidence. This is the right decision. This is what he has to do.

The world can do without Itomori, but it’ll be too dull without Mao.

Mao seems lost at the words, for just a second. Then, very slowly, he says:

“But are _you_ going?”

Ritsu hums in agreement.

“It’s not like I  _ want  _ to, but as you said, someone has to-”

Mao press a hand against his mouth, effectively shutting him up. His expression is sober for a moment before he’s breaking into a grin, and Ritsu can just think that he smells like blood, grass and childhood.

“Then I’m going too.” he says, and somehow makes it sound absolute. An statement. Ritsu thinks about pushing him into the broom closet and locking it. “Listen, Ritchan. I don’t think this comet will strike. Not really.” he doesn’t set his hand aside, but his free one find Ritsu’s wrist again in a gentle hold. He can't help but fantasize about how easy would be, to move a little and make their fingers interlock. He doesn’t, though, paralyzed by the way he can feel Mao’s breath against his cheekbones. “But you’re not one to move if there’s not complete necessity for it, so helping you seems right.” Finally, Mao takes a step back. His hand falls back to his side, but Ritsu moves quick enough to hold the other. The smile in Mao’s face turns wider at the gesture.

It's not like he can negate Mao the choice - Ritsu knows that everyone should be able to choose the way they die. And they have been together for as long as he can remember, Ritsu guesses, so it'd be only fair for them to die the same way.

“Maakun should let me take care of him.” he says, even when he knows it’s a lost cause. “Just this once.”

Mao laughs. The sound sends a shiver down Ritsu’s spine.

“Yeah, no. It would be too much of a change in our usual dynamic, wouldn’t it?” 

The comet keeps marching through the sky, spreading a gentle light that threatens to kill them all soon. That has nothing to do with the way Ritsu feels suddenly breathless.

When Mao guides him away again, he follows.

* * *

Madara throw his helmet away as they run. 

There’s no way to park close to the festival stalls, but it’s not a long road. Soon, they are surrounded by colorful yukata and unsettled whispers. Nazuna’s voice keeps spilling from the speakers. “ _ I repeat: An explosion has occurred at Itomori Substation. There is danger of…” _

Madara yells over the sound, barely dodging the bodies in the crowd.

“There’s a fire in the forest! It’s approaching!” he almost trips with his own feet in his rush, or at least makes it seem like it. "A fire!"

His performance is perfect. He doesn’t stop running, and every single body expression unites to form the façade of a terrified teenager. To anyone who really knew him, it would probably be too exaggerated - Madara would be one to stop and try to help the elderly to get to a safe point as fast as possible. Leo knows. The people of Itomori, however, has never put too much effort into understanding him.

And so, they believe every single word.

Leo follows close, and his shouts mix with Madara’s as they make their way down the street. Some people start to move quickly, mothers hugging their children close, men wearing traditional clothes abandoning the stalls. Leo sees them leave with relief, but it’s not enough. It’s still not enough. Some keep their ground, smoking or chatting idly with friends without a care in the world.

If _he_ was here, he’d say they’re a bunch of idiots who maybe deserve to be thrown into oblivion by a comet, after all. 

(What color were his eyes, again?)

Leo stops in his tracks when someone grabs him by the arm, and turns to meet Ritsu's almost desperate expression. It probably mirrors his own.

“Tsukippi.” his lips form, even if Leo can’t hear him over the noise surrounding them. His next words are louder. “What are you doing?”

“Trying to get them to leave!” Leo almost yells, too frustrated to care about the scandalized glance of a near mother. “I’m trying to get them all to safety, Rittsu!”

“Well, so are we.” Ritsu looks around. Isara’s red hair can be spotted some meters away, trying to convince an old man to leave his stall unattended and obey the order of evacuation. “But people aren’t listening to neither of us. Unless the police start to actually manage the whole movement, I don’t think they’ll listen.”

(What color were his eyes?)

Ritsu keeps talking, but it sounds muffled to his ears.

_ (What was his name?) _

“Tsukippi?”

_ You breathed life into me- _

_ You idiot- _

_ I brought you something else- _

_ Let’s write down our names- _

_ So we won’t forget- _

_ I love you IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou. _

“I can’t remember his name.” Leo whispers. He’s shaking. “Rittsu, I can’t remember his name.”

His hands reach for Ritsu’s shoulders, because he can physically feel his knees weaken under the weight of the thought. He can’t remember. He doesn’t know his name, or the color of his eyes, or the features of his face, or-

“What will I do?”

Write one last requiem, his head supplies. Hide behind the sad music flowing through his veins and forget about the pain just as he forgot about the boy. Get on his knees and compose over the concrete, if necessary. Just. Stop. Thinking.

Leo’s fingers twitch against Ritsu’s shoulders. He wishes he was holding a pen. Maybe run his finger over the dirt of the floor will suffice.

That’s the moment Ritsu chooses to slap his hands away, and the dull pang of pain is enough to return him to the present. Ritsu’s eyes are like daggers made of ruby. Leo could write about that, too. He could write about a lot of things, if only to stop hurting for a second.

“What will you  _ do _ ?” he echoes. It sounds like a slap, angry and bitter. “He was the one who started all of this, Tsukippi” Ritsu gestures to the whole street, to the people flooding the festival, to Nazuna’s voice coming through the speakers, to Mao and Madara trying to get everyone to leave, to the smoke rising from the forest. “He was the one who started all of this, but you have to end it.” he hisses, and Leo can feel his spine straighten as the music fades away to a background sound, no longer enough to drown the rest of his thoughts. Ritsu is right. Ritsu tends to be right, when he actually wakes up and put his brains at use. “Go, Tsukippi. Talk to that rotten father of yours.”

_ He’s a cretin _ , says a voice inside his head. Leo feels tears trying to escape from the prison of his eyes once again. But there’s no time for sadness, is it?

Leo nods, just once. Ritsu's pale face is bathed by the artificial lights of the festival, making him look sickly. He wants to say something else, something meaningful, a goodbye good enough to cover for everything they still have to live through together. But there's only the melody inside his brain, and it's heart breaking, so he settles with breaking into a sprint, as if he could outrun the comet shining in the night sky. If he can't choose a farewell good enough for his friend, then all Leo has to do is keep him alive until the words stop failing him. Behind him, he can still hear Ritsu (“Hello, miss, haven’t you heard the emergency broadcast…?”)

He pushes away whoever is in his way, the blood pumping in his ears making him deaf to their grumbles and complains. Nazuna’s voice keep coming from the speakers, and Leo knows they are all trusting him to do this. To save them all.

Between the stars, the comet silently observe him struggle against destiny.

* * *

“...Please, evacuate immediately to Itomori High Schoo-uh!”

The broadcast suddenly comes with a stop as Nazuna lets out a shrieking noise that almost covers the sound of an opening door. (“ _What the hell?_ ” someone says, just as other asks “ _Kids, what are you doing?_ ”).

Ritsu feels his soul leaving his body as he turns a terrified stare at the speakers, as if he could will the intruders away from his position by sheer conviction in their cause.

There’s a thud coming off the broadcast system, and Nazuna gasps in surprise. One of the adults shouts in something that resembles pain, or maybe he has been startled too. And then Kanata’s singing voice, cheerful and chirping. 

“A ‘hero’ has to do everything in their power to keep ‘everyone’ safe.”

“K-Kanata-chin!?”

At the same time, Ritsu spots his brother in the crowd.

Ritsu feels his heart throbbing in his throat when his eyes lock with Rei’s. That kid that likes him so much is talking to him, expression urgent, but he’s not even looking at him in the moment, too busy staring at Ritsu across the people still moving.

Rei approaches. For once, he allows him to.

“My dear-!”

“What are you doing?”

Ritsu’s words cut like a knife, and he needs a second to notice that he's tightening his fist at both sides of his body, like a small child close to a tantrum. Rei doesn’t seem taken aback but his sudden outburst, but he never does.

“Why, I’m making sure my dearest little brother is safe, of course!”

The other boy catches up to them and places a hand in Rei’s arm. He says “Rei-niisan” just as Nazuna starts the broadcast once again, erratic and frightened (“The town is not safe. Please, please just evacuate to…”). But Ritsu doesn’t hear either of them.

His brother is so, so stupid.

“You have to go to the High School.” he says, talking over the other boy- Sakasaki, Ritsu thinks suddenly. His name is Sakasaki.

(Why can he remember him and not the other one, the one he really cares about, the one that was his  _ friend. _ )

“Ritsu...” 

“Aren’t you listening!?” Ritsu gesticulates in the general direction of the town’s speakers. “You have to evacuate to the High School!”

Rei’s eyebrows narrow. Ritsu finds himself wanting to scream at him, pushing him down the shrine stairs and in the direction of the school. For all his protests and constant complaining about the fact, this is his big brother - the one who left him, but also the one who hold his hand while he was taking his first steps, the one that kissed his knee that time he fell of the bike, the one who guided his fingers through the piano’s keys while he was learning, always whispering words of encouragement into his ear, always happy to help.

It’s different from what he felt with Mao. Ritsu doesn’t know if the world would be a darker place without Rei’s presence. He just doesn’t want to find out.

It’s a rush of overprotectiveness that brush away the rest of his worries, leaving him feeling raw and restless. For once, Ritsu doesn’t care about sounding like the bratty little brother who cares too deeply. He just wants Rei gone and safe.

“He’s right, niiSAN.” Sakasaki says, sound almost swallowed by the noise around them. “You should GO.”

Rei opens his mouth to answer, but he doesn’t have enough time for it before someone is grabbing at his shoulder. Someone pulls at him, making him turn - and Ritsu comes face to face with a police officer. There’s another one behind him, and he’s taken a hold of Mao’s arm.

Ritsu’s expression turns grim. He doesn’t think Leo has had time enough to talk with his dad yet, so they’re not here to help.

“People are saying you kids are telling them to follow the  _ fake  _ broadcast, are you not-?”

“It split!” 

Mao talks over him, shaking his arm as he tries to break free. His other hand is pointing at the sky, but Ritsu doesn’t have to follow the direction to know what he’d see - two twins trails breaking the sky, about to ruin all of their lives.

Ritsu tears his gaze from the shocked expression of the officer to search for Mao’s. His eyes are in some zone between scared and amazed, as if Ritsu was the star itself, dangerous but beautiful.

“It split.” he repeats.

Ritsu takes in a deep breath.

* * *

Leo doesn’t have enough time to look at the sky.

He’s taking a shortcut to the town hall, down a slope overgrown with bushes. Leo’s arms are already rich in scratches from the mountain, so he’s glad that his legs are covered by the uniform pants now. Small mercies.

There’s no one around him, and Leo is let alone with the gentle summer wind hitting against his skin, the sound of the broadcast as background noise (Nazuna’s words are starting to roll out his tongue too fast, almost unintelligible, and Leo knows nobody will believe this after the interruption. People will stay put. People will die.)

Leo’s legs feel wavering, weakened. He rubs his sleeve against his overheated face, sweaty and wet from the tears. 

He hasn’t stopped crying from the moment he realized he has forgotten.

Leo wants to stop, wants to sob and wail until there’s nothing left of him. Giving up seems so, so terribly easy…

_He_ ’d be furious if Leo surrenders himself to the comet now.

He might not remember, but he knows in the very core of his being that there was someone once. Someone who was important to him, who thought he was worth fighting for. Someone he loved. And Leo knows. He knows his pulse beats to his name, but the melody inside his head is terribly sad and why can’t he remember, why did he forget, why-

That’s the moment Leo trips.

He doesn’t fall, but the throb of pain running through his whole body from his ankle is enough to make him stop for a second. He hisses as his vision spins from the sudden pain, and has to bite his lip to stop himself from sobbing. The pang is grounding, and so Leo applies more pressure - until he can taste iron.

He can already see the lights of the town hall. Even out of breath and exhausted, Leo understands that he’s so, so close…

Something creaks from his pocket.

The song.

_ You named it. _

With trembling fingers, Leo gets the paper out its confinement and unfolds it. There, with nostalgic kanji that he remembers out of a dream, black lines sit against the white. Silent Oath. The music flows through Leo, feeling like a caress, and it’s sad, so, so sorrowful, but yet feels incredibly warm. Like the last day of spring blooming inside his chest.

Leo looks at the light spilling from his father’s office, tears streaming down his face, but suddenly he doesn’t feel afraid anymore. 

There’s someone out there who cared enough to keep the song close to his chest. Someone who came looking for him, who looked at destiny if the face and fought against it for his sake. And of course Leo understands now- They’re in love. It’s as easy and complicated as that.

Wherever he is, this person is waiting for him. So Leo will survive.

It doesn’t matter if the whole sky comes falling down. He will.

(Leo looks at his father in the eye. Avances, limping slightly, face full of dry tears and dirt, skin scratched, hair disheveled. 

He talks, and there’s no a trace of doubt staining his voice.)

* * *

This is what the news say:

The comet turns into a meteorite. The possibility of a shred impacting against a populated area was almost zero, but it does. And yet, there’s not a single mortal victim. The whole town was holding a evacuation drill that night, and they’re all safe and sound by the moment it strikes. 

Some call it a miracle. Other say it’s a divine retribution for following the old ways. The news comment on the quick response of the emergency teams of Japan, who were soon rescuing and relocating the whole population.

_ (Izumi watches from Tsukasa’s home, and no longer does the comet feel beautiful. His eyes fixates in the image of the people of Itomori, lost and scared, without any place to go back to. He feels shivers down his spine at the idea. _

_ Naru places a gentle hand in his shoulder and ask him why is he crying. _

_ Izumi doesn’t know how to answer.) _

This is what happens:

After the stars fall, after the explosion happens, after they are left with little more than the clothes they have on and whatever is in their pockets, Itomori’s people remain silent.

The cloud of dust the impact creates doesn’t settle for a long while, but most of them are too dizzy from the shock to even remember to put some kind of fabric between their respiratory system and the dirty air. Ruka snuggles closer to Leo, and from the corner of his eye he can see Isara covering Ritsu’s mouth with a piece of his jacket ripped off his sleeve as they talk. Natsume is apart from the crowd, surrounded only by two of his friends. He’s shaking. Madara has disappeared somewhere with the blue haired boy, only after making sure Leo has gotten a bone breaking hug. Kuro has an arm around Nazuna’s shoulders, his sister hanging from his free hand.

Nazuna’s tears are cleaning paths into the dirt of his face, but there’s not a trace of sorrow in his face as he looks up to Leo.

“How did you...?” he whispers, voice strained.

How did he know?

There was someone. There was someone, but now there’s only the song inside Leo’s head, never enough to fill the void. There was someone, he thinks.

_ How  _ did he know?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Yes. Yes, Natsume is there. Yes, that has a reason. No, I don't know if I'll write it at some point because I'm too laz--)
> 
> DO YOU KNOW THAT PART...in Silent Oath... When it goes "Dear moonlight, don't spill your light upon me, because I will disappear. [...] This loneliness, I'll carry it as I walk along." WELP.
> 
> Well, this is the end! Only the epilogue left! Thank you all for your support ;;  
>    
> [[Twitter]](https://twitter.com/nozomumelody)  
>   
> [[Curiouscat]](https://curiouscat.me/nozomumelody)  
> 


	10. Chapter 10

Sometimes, Izumi can almost forget that he’s not happy.

Years go by, but he’s never the same after waking up in the old crater of the lost town of Itomori. Life feels dull, meaningless, and sometimes he wonders what exactly happened at that place, what exactly was that broke him, that stocked his chest with shreds of fractured glass, piercing deeper every time he moves. 

Izumi has always been good at being a functional adult, though, and that’s exactly what he does: he finds solace in his exams, his graduation, his work. Does his best to forget the dull ache that nests next to his heart, ignores the way kisses feel cold and hollow when he tries to date, and keeps on living.

There’s a feeling of longing in every step he takes, and the photographers call it melancholic, praise the way his eyes drift away when he’s left alone for a little, say that’s good, it’s even perfect. And there would be pride swelling inside Izumi, probably, if the black hole that’s been there for the last five years didn’t swallow it.

He stops taking jobs that ask sadness of him, because it makes him bitter. On the bad days, he has trouble remembering that not everything in his life is this sense of loss and yearning, that there’s Naru, Tsukasa, Yuukun, Morisawa, Hakaze, dreams being fulfilled by hard work and an outstanding career in the making. At that times, for whatever reasons, it’s like he’ll never find light again. And then Izumi wonders why everyone else seems to live under the sunlight while he stays down, feeling so _cold_.

On the good days Izumi knows that something is missing, but it’s a subdued sentiment of nostalgia, almost homesickness. Like he lost the last piece of a puzzle, but there’s no way of putting his finger in what it is. 

_Just a little longer,_ he thinks, even if he’s not sure at who are the words directed. _Just a little._

Days keep rolling by, turning into weeks, months. And no one answers his silent plea. It’s not like Izumi had any expectations, but reality stings nonetheless.

* * *

“Izumi-chan.”

“No.”

“ _Izumi-chan_.”

He sighs, eyes looking up until they meet Naru’s. She’s leaning slightly into the table, forearms pressed against the white wood of their little café, and there’s a knowing smile tugging at the edge of her lips. Izumi knows this is a lost battle, but he’ll still fight until the end, even if it’s only to preserve a little bit of pride.

“Ask that weirdo you call boyfriend.” he says, and Naru just laughs at the insult. Izumi takes a new sip of his tea. “Or go by yourself.”

“Now, Izumi-chan, wouldn’t that be just sad?” Naru flutters her eyelashes at him, all feigned innocence and sweet smiles. “He won’t be in the city by the time the wedding comes, and you can’t blame me for trying to go with the prettiest boy in our agency-”

“Flattery won’t get you anywhere.” He snaps, even though Izumi can physically feel his resolve weaken. He _does_ look good in a suit, thank you very much, and the photos he takes with Naru always end up looking stunning. Still. “I don’t even know them.”

She beams, as if she has already won. Izumi hates the fact she’s right.

“It doesn’t matter, my invitation says _plus one_.” she takes out her phone, flipping through her messages. Izumi rolls his eyes. “You’ll like Mao-chan, I think. He’s such a hardworking person-”

“That’s _your_ type.” he interrupts. Naru pays him no mind.

“Ritsu-chan, however, might get in your nerves.” Izumi is about to add ‘sounds like someone I know’, but the turn in her expression leaves him speechless. Naru’s gaze drift to the side, smile faltering as the nails of her free hand tap against the table. “They’re both from Itomori. We were there once, remember?”

Of course he does.

Kind of.

Izumi knows they went on a trip with Tsukasa. They still have pictures of the countryside, even if Izumi doesn’t appear in many of them. He remembers a restaurant, the warm smile of a waitress he still feel grateful to for no apparent reason, and then… Maybe they fought, but it’s hard for Izumi to imagine himself going on his own and spending the night without a shelter. He’s too careful with his own body to risk his well being like that.

His memories are fuzzy and vague, distant. He wishes he could recollect anything else from the dense fog that surround that time, but there’s nothing.

Naru doesn’t say more about it, but the screen of her phone flashes a image of them before she locks it - one she took before their trip, in their high school days. Izumi knows she has some of him throwing totally out character peace signs, but in that one he’s just fixing Tsukasa’s collar with a frustrated expression. It’s in the theme park.

Naru found her folder with the pictures of that day not long ago. She looked at Izumi after showing him that one, a sad smile on her lips. _Sometimes I forget that you used to be happier_ , she said.

 _I could be happy,_ Izumi has thought. He thinks it now too, and his eyes look for the palm of his hand in instinct. There’s nothing there. He doesn’t know why nostalgia hits him suddenly, swelling up in his throat. _Just not yet._

* * *

 _Just a little longer,_ Leo thinks. _Just a little._

He bites his tongue, looking at the music sheet in his lap, and add two words to its margins. He immediately erases them, not without a growl of frustration filtering from his throat. It’s still not done. At this rate, it will _never_ be. Leo has been thinking about this song -this terrible, stupid song- since the first time he travelled to Tokyo, Ritsu’s head leaning against his shoulder and expectation curling in his belly.

(Leo still doesn’t get why was he so excited about Tokyo, because honestly? The city is too loud, too deafening. The music of Tokyo drums against his head with a thunderous sound, making it hard to even think sometimes, and so- why did it inspire such a graceful song the first time?)

Leo groans. He lets his head fall upon the desk. 

It’s been years, and the only think he has figured out of the lyrics is the title - _Ironic blue_ can be read in messy handwritten at the top. It taunts Leo. 

Sadness hand upon his head like a guillotine, and the French Revolution is approaching.

Leo has been running from the melancholy since a comet blowed up his whole town. Ruka doesn’t say it outloud, but Leo heard her say to her grandmother that it was probably due to trauma. And he thought, almost defiant _No._

Whatever the heaviness in his chest is, it doesn’t have anything to do with Itomori.

Leo knows how it feels like to miss the place he grew in, the soft grass and the clean air and the sight of the mountains. It's not an usual occurrence, because the memory of the people and the insidious whispers still taint the pureness of it all, but sometimes it happens. And it’s not like The Other Thing.

Whatever The Other Thing is, Leo longs for it _so much more_. It’s an ache he can never get rid of, a constant reminder that’s something out there missing, that he’s incomplete, somehow broken. 

He tried to forget, to fill the hole. He’s been to at least twenty countries in less than five years, at first travelling with Madara, then working here and there. And at some point, he thinks, he forgot what home felt like. It makes it harder to miss that way.

(His hand has been moving without him noticing, a new song blooming in the margins of the old one. Leo looks at it, this black lines of beauty come to life under his fingers, and the frustration inside of him grows bigger when he notices how familiar they are, how full of sorrow, how simply _sad_.

Silent Oath always end up hitting against his chest again if he’s not careful.)

* * *

Izumi finds solace in music.

It’s stupid. He doesn’t even remember when he got so interested in it, just that one day he picked up online lessons and added them over his already already substantial load of work. Most of the time, he’s glad he did.

There’s this one compositor - Tsukasa loves his work dearly, and he dumped all of his CDs into Izumi’s arm one morning, saying that it was absolutely _impossible_ to not be amazed by his genius. Izumi has troubles admitting he was right. The kid has to be dumbfounded by his music, because he managed to discover all of his aliases -which are _a lot_ \- just to collect his songs.

For Izumi, they feel as intimate and warm as a kiss against his temple.

(Tsukasa smiles, almost smugly, as he presents them with three tickets in one of their outings. He seems very mature in that expensive suits that doesn’t quite fit his shoulders, but the brightness in his eyes is still the one of a kid’s. 

Izumi is wary of that gesture, because it usually means that he’s about to get dragged in one of his whims, but he takes the ticket nonetheless.

His hand freezes.)

* * *

The thing is, Leo would have not come back to Tokyo, if it wasn’t for Ritsu’s wedding. 

There’s something he fears in here, something that makes his stomach twirl and his breath hitch when he’s walking along the crowds. 

In Tokyo, it feels like he’s always waiting. He just doesn’t know for what, exactly.

His manager is the one that insist on the concert. Leo agrees, if only because music is a good way to keep himself busy.

* * *

Tsukasa got them the best seats of the whole building, of course he did. He doesn’t even seem to be aware that there’s an alternative, all innocent eyes and confused expressions when Naru tells him he could have chosen cheaper ones.

Izumi doesn’t bother to hide how much he likes exclusiveness, and so he says nothing. If the brat wants them to go with him to the concert of his (their) favorite musician, then so be it. Tsukasa’s boyfriend hates this kind of music anyway, so he’s probably feeling neglected. Izumi sits down in his designated place, silences the damn group chat with Morisawa and Kaoru (because he _knows_ there’ll be a notification coming out his phone at the worst possible moment if he doesn’t. They have a gift for inappropriateness.) and waits for the event to start as he slides down his twitter dash, absently liking a new picture of Yuukun with his idiotic friends.

He’d like to say that there’s a prickling in his skin or eagerness swirling into his belly before it happens. Some grand gesture, a warning from the universe, from his soul. But there’s nothing.

The lights haven’t even go down yet. There’s noise coming from behind the stage, and Izumi’s eyes go up at the muffled sound. Tsukasa leans into the rail in front of them, interested.

There’s someone shouting. Izumi affinates his own ear, trying to catch the meaning behind the high pitched words. “No, no, I won’t wait anymore! You can’t cage the music! What a blasphemy, isn’t it!?”

Izumi hold his breath. His heart stops for a second. Then _he_ comes into the stage.

And Izumi sees him.

* * *

Leo laughs when he hears his manager streetch in exasperation. The music sheets between his arms crumble as he tightens his grip against them, walking quickly to the piano. That’s when he hears someone let out a surprised yelp followed by a worried “Is everything _alright_?”. Leo’s gaze follows the sound, falling into the opera boxes. 

And Leo sees him.

* * *

This is what it feels like: His heart bust up in speed, swelling into his chest until it feels like it’s going to rip him apart. His lungs seem to have forgotten what’s like to breathe. And the sheer desperation, the longing, the sheer _want_ is screaming from the deeper part of his heart, clawing at his ribcage like a furious animal. Izumi stays there for a second, gaze locking with a pair of astounded green eyes.

He should sit back down. He really should. But all this time, he has been waiting…

(Tsukasa and Naru try to get his attention, but their voices are dull against the drumming of his own pulse into his ears.)

… has been searching for _someone_.

The boy turns, and then he’s running out of stage. It feels oddly familiar for Izumi to follow his lead.

* * *

 _Just a little more. Just a little longer_ , Leo thinks, and this time he means it. 

He doesn’t have even an inch of doubt that he’s not the only one looking. Leo dashes through the staff of the concert, past a surprised Anzu and into the empty halls of the building. He doesn’t exactly knows why he’s running, but his body does. His heartbeat is fast and unsteady, like the wings of a hummingbird, as he runs down the hall.

Leo knows him. Leo has been waiting, all this time.

He doesn’t even remember the interiors of the building, so it’s blind instinct what makes him turn the corner, chasing after the song inside his head. And the only thing Leo knows for sure is that he needs to find him, see him, talk to him, hold his hand and let his voice fill the hollow of loneliness. Itomori is far away now, lost under the debris and the water, but for the first time in a long time he thinks he's running to- to somewhere he belongs.

He turns again, feet almost slipping on the waxed floor… And there he is. At the end of the hallway, panting.

Leo doesn’t know why, but he knows he _hates_ sweating.

For a second that last lifetimes, they just stare at each other, eyes round and cheeks flushed from the run. Leo takes only one second to notice that both their hands are trembling.

His soul lights up in recognition. 

* * *

Izumi doesn’t want him to go ever again, even when he can’t remember seeing him before.

Because this - their eyes interlocking, the sight of the cord encircling the other’s wrist, even the tears blooming into his eyes- is what he’s been waiting for. It feels _right_. Like the melody that was missing, like a declaration of love written into his hand.

Izumi dares to take only a step forward. His whole body is trembling. 

“We...we’ve met before, right?” he says, trying to keep his voice in check.

The boy smiles, even as tears stream down his face. The gesture feels gentle, like the last rays of the evening sun against his skin. Izumi almost fear he’ll disappear any second now, before they can touch, before he can learn-

“I thought so, too.”

He lets out a breathy chuckle between tears, and Izumi is filled with so much relief he almost falls to his knees. This stranger looks at him with those green eyes, the color of the earth coming to life again after a long winter, and it feels like coming home.

When they talk, their voices intermingle.

“Your name is…?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Yes, they end up going together to ritsumao's wedding, and Naru will never let Izumi forget-)
> 
> Oh God. It's...done. It's finished! I have been fighting with this chapter for days, and part of me feels like it was because I didn't want to finish it djesijr I feel like I still have so much to write for this AU! Like the wedding, or the reunion between Ritsu and Izumi! But at the same time.. it had to end like this. I still hold some respect for the canon.
> 
> Anyway, thank you TONS to everyone who has made this journey with me. Every kudo, every comment, every twitter mention ... it means the world to me. It's been like, ten years since I ended a long fic? And this one is in ENGLISH! I couldn't have done this without your support.
> 
> That said, I'm already working on the outline for a ritsumao/izuleo long fic with a friend so...You'll hear about me again eventually.
> 
> (I'll probably delete this soon but: my dad is going into surgery in three days, so please send your best thoughts to him if you can! Thank you)
> 
> [[Twitter]](https://twitter.com/nozomumelody)  
> [[Curiouscat]](https://curiouscat.me/nozomumelody)  
> 


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